Mata hati, tolong tunjukkan arah.
Ambil juga rasa yang meremukkan dada.

Lelah.

dua

Lihat: hamparan bintang yang melebur langit adalah patahan keping pecahnya hati, lebaran samudra yang membalut bumi adalah jejatuhan tetes hancurnya harapan, di antara pagi dan malam, di tengah senyummu yang meremuk redam, dan di tanyaku pada Tuhan, bolehkah kau sisipkan beribu jam ke dalam memori yang berpendaran?

dam

Dam itu hancur, melepas, menghela luapan air yang melebat, menggenang hebat, beriak sampai pada hari ke dua puluh empat.

Gemuruh pun berangsur lenyap, melepas bendungan harap ke dalam gelombang getar yang berangsur tamat termakan pusara dan ombak.

Ketika itu pun hari menjadi senyap, burung-burung terbang menghadap matahari yang kemarin bersembunyi dalam gelap, menutup sinarnya seupaya menolak harap.

Tetapi hari baru ini punya sejuta derap.
Untuk besok, atau lusa, atau entah kapan masanya menetap.

matahari

Berlari. Berlari dari dentuman yang mengejar kaki.

Menari. Menari dalam aksara yang merangkai jadi emosi. Di antara memori.

Jatuh. Jatuh tak terhindari.

Matahari.

4 minutes

So, hi.

I'm here, one month away from what will be my last presentation in this school. From there, there will be one month of holiday back in hometown, and soon after that, me packing, flying down under, to Melbourne.

It's been a long journey, these 3 years. Filled with ups and downs, some are written here, some left scars I kept for myself. However, I just realized what I learned from it. I don't tolerate imperfections, but I tolerate scars.

It's a pretty sick quote and attitude, even for myself, but I kinda grow into it. It's not pleasing when you twist and turn your glasses' nosepad position until it breaks because it doesn't suit you much, and finally finding comfort in repairing it and knowing it won't be perfect, but at least it tried to.

I guess, from these scars I learn that imperfection is not an excuse. Everyone is, in fact, imperfect. But the effort of trying to be one, and the scars I got from going thru the process, make the imperfection perfect. Scars mean pain, and pain implies weakness. Scars make you stronger, and scars are not at all parts of imperfections.

And in the end, here, there is one door in front of me. One last door. I can't seem to open it yet because it will possibly hurt me in a way I don't dare imagine. After all the barriers that I managed to push through, this one is the hardest. Because I don't know what might happen, and this uncertainty puts off my courage.

So, I haven't decided anything yet. I'll have to make peace with myself to open this door, because I finally have to tolerate my own imperfection.

And tell that to the world.

you

I don't want to feel this.

mainstream

I often heard this so-called opinion lately (which often occurs in facebook), that when someone says 'i don't want to be mainstream, i am anti-mainstream', then someone else would comment 'you know, anti-mainstream has become the new mainstream', and the first guy would then reply 'oh yeah you're right' and nod in agreement, and everybody seems pleased.

I've heard it one too many times that I've been wondering myself and I came to a conclusion that it is wrong. Why is it wrong? It is simply because there could only be one state of being mainstream--at a time. And when the mainstream becomes minor, the anti-mainstream becomes the new mainstream and the other way around. It is so fluid and balanced and the term is already logical and well-defined.

So, when you say you're anti-mainstream, you are anti mainstream no matter what, rejecting whatever comes as mainstream at that point of time, with no connection to past or future condition. So unless the shift of what is mainstream at any point of time to the other point of time is way too rapid to follow, there should be no problem of defining what is mainstream and what is anti-mainstream.

old

your smell lingers all across the room..
around the old town, old lame jokes, old loved sounds..
and the old fine hours that once were ours.

blasphemy

Over the last few weeks, I've been pushing myself harder than ever. I don't know whether it's finally enough to please my tutor, or even myself, but all I know I've been trying and pushing in every directions I can think of. But somehow, in the end, what matters is something else to me: there won't be the slightest of regret about this.

Have a nice day, everyone. :)