dilemma (with glossary)

The most recent state of mind: confused.

Between continuing a 200-page-handwritten book and starting a whole new blank book. What kind of book? The clue for this is: Peter Gabriel. Let's see how your brain works.

Er. I'm in the middle of dilemma here. Ya, ya, not only in 'that' matter, but also in this matter. ISDC. Debating. WSDC. HongKong. Oh~damn. I'm waiting for the announcement about The Jakarta's Big 4 Speakers. Next month, probably. There are some scenarios though:

FYI, let me make my glossary first.
ISDC: Indonesian Schools Debating Championship
WSDC: World Schools Debating Championship

1. I make it into the Jakarta's Big 4 Speakers for the upcoming ISDC.

~and get chosen later on as the official team. But then, soon I'm into all the debating trainings, everyday, intensive, and it kills my brain because in the other hand I have to start getting lessons from school, and finish my design project. And I won't have time to date, for example. In the end, I'll be hated by my significant others by not being able to give time for them, and not be able to keep up on physics and stuff in school, and maybe be hated by friends coz now I'm one of those OSNers. --; Paradigm, everyone.

But then, I have the pride of being the best of Jakarta, and the chance to go to HongKong for next year's WSDC. (notice the word 'chance'). I will put this priceless qualification on my CV, and see if I could make it to the US Universities upon a scholarship. I dream about this every night.. oh, dear. Every effort I've made will be paid off. Oh~isn't that wonderful? *crying*

(IF..)

2. I don't make it into Jakarta's Big 4 Speakers for the upcoming ISDC.

~and break down and cry because I was beating my head to the wall for the last selection. I was trying hard to keep up with all those speakers, Andrew from 34, Yove from SangTi, Agna from 34. I will lose the chance to be the Jakarta Team for the next ISDC (which will be something big to cry about each night, coz this is what every debater wants..), I will lose the chance to go to HongKong, my lovely place with all those magnificent skycrappers..I love itt..), and I will lose a very important qualification for my CV. ISDC, it's what will make me probably go to New York and study there upon a scholarship.

BUT. I will have more time for school, not bother about all those tight-scheduled debating trainings, and will have more time for dating. Isn't that nice? *crying*

3. I make it into the 12-grader-Jakarta's Big 4 Speakers, BUT I won't be facing ISDC because the new regulation doesn't allow the 12 graders to be one of those debating squad.

~this will make everything balanced. Erh. Still, losing the chance to go to HongKong. But at least I don't lose my time for school, and I still get the pride.

ARH.

Dilemma. Sunsilk. anyone?