Saturday, May 08, 2010

4 minutes

So, hi.

I'm here, one month away from what will be my last presentation in this school. From there, there will be one month of holiday back in hometown, and soon after that, me packing, flying down under, to Melbourne.

It's been a long journey, these 3 years. Filled with ups and downs, some are written here, some left scars I kept for myself. However, I just realized what I learned from it. I don't tolerate imperfections, but I tolerate scars.

It's a pretty sick quote and attitude, even for myself, but I kinda grow into it. It's not pleasing when you twist and turn your glasses' nosepad position until it breaks because it doesn't suit you much, and finally finding comfort in repairing it and knowing it won't be perfect, but at least it tried to.

I guess, from these scars I learn that imperfection is not an excuse. Everyone is, in fact, imperfect. But the effort of trying to be one, and the scars I got from going thru the process, make the imperfection perfect. Scars mean pain, and pain implies weakness. Scars make you stronger, and scars are not at all parts of imperfections.

And in the end, here, there is one door in front of me. One last door. I can't seem to open it yet because it will possibly hurt me in a way I don't dare imagine. After all the barriers that I managed to push through, this one is the hardest. Because I don't know what might happen, and this uncertainty puts off my courage.

So, I haven't decided anything yet. I'll have to make peace with myself to open this door, because I finally have to tolerate my own imperfection.

And tell that to the world.

Friday, January 01, 2010


I don't want to feel this.