i don't want to say goodbye

I don’t want to say goodbye
Let the stars shine through
I don’t want to say goodbye
All I want to do is live with you

Just like the light of the morning
After the darkness has gone
The shadow of my love is falling
On a place where the sun always shines
Don’t you know that’s where our hearts both belong?

Together, our two hearts are strong
Don’t you know that’s where our hearts both belong?

Teddy Thompson - I Don't Want You To Say Goodbye

Just now, my coach Astrid met me and the team, and refused to tell us the ISDC selection result. Well. It wasn't a problem, until she said that there's one with exceptional score among all of us.

Then I came to think. Is it me, is it me not?

If it's me, I'm gonna pray and thank God up there for blessing me that much. If it's not me, I'll be pushing hard a thousand times harder than before.

Dammit. Now it becomes a thought. Dammit.
And. I'm the worst in waiting. Damn.

a bloke from brokeback

...Sometimes I miss you so much, I can hardly stand it..
(Jack to Ennis, Brokeback Mountain)

Damn.
I'm suffering from severe Brokeback addiction.
If I couldn't stop it, the disc could be broken in a day or two.

Dammit.

soulmate

Kemaren, ada yang cerita sama gue tentang bestfriendnya. Soulmate, katanya.
*melirik blognya Droo, JJ*
Well. Then it's time to reflect myself.

For me, several people in my life have been considered 'close' to me. Tiba-tiba inget Felix, trus temen di kelas: Meno, Randy. Trus inget kadang suka curhat ma Hendro. Trus inget Cumi yang kalo ngobrol sama gue akhirnya gue jadi sadar, bahwa blog ini indeed dibaca dan diresapi sama sebagian orang. Trus inget K, yang jauh tapi kadang kalo ngobrol: kita ketawa dan ngomong: That's life!

Trus inget orang-orang lain lagi, jauh atau deket.

In a sudden, I feel like I'm not close enough to them that I can say they're my bestfriends. But. There's noone closer than they are to me. Yap. I can't think of anybody better than them. Then. Do I really have bestfriends out there? Soulmate?

Hahaha.

Tapi kalo mau dibilang bestfriend, sama mereka pun gue masih ada kata 'segan'. Harusnya kalo bestfriend itu gak ada segan lagi kan? Kayak Droo yang suka mencaci maki bestfriendnya satu-satu di blog? Hiihihihi. Kalo gitu. Gue masih belum menganggap mereka bestfriend dong ya?

Tiba-tiba inget definisi bestfriend orang yang cerita sama gue tadi malem. Gue kalo ngobrol ato ngapain sama dia udah gak ada 'gak enak'an. Dia soulmate gue. Dia bisa nerima jelek2nya gue, dan gue pun tau jelek2nya dia. And we're okay with it. Ung. Berarti kalo gue masih segen sama orang, masih ga bisa nerima jeleknya orang, gue belum bisa nganggep dia bestfriend dong?

Hahaha. Kalo kita main definisi, ribet banget ya. Mending main.. intuisi? Buat seseorang di luar sana, you're more than bestfriend to me. Tapi lucu aja, secara dia gak menganggep gue gitu. Harus dalam konsen kedua belah pihak ya? Aduh. Pusing.

I don't know.

Soulmate itu bukan definisi.

Juga bukan dua kepala yang isinya mirip. Bukan dua orang yang kalo nyanyi bareng, cocok. Bukan dua genggaman tangan. Bukan pelukan persahabatan. Bukan dua kehebohan yang saling menghebohkan. Bukan persetujuan: lu bestfriend gue kan? Bukan kata2: karna lu bestfriend gue, jadi..

Bukan.

Menurut gue, soulmate itu silent. Dua kepala yang bertolak belakang. Dua orang yang gak bisa ngobrol. Dua orang yang diem2an. Tapi... lengkap.

..Tadi lu miscall ya? Sori tadi gue tidur. Pa kabar?
....Thanks ya udah nemenin! Kalo gue udah bole bawa mobil, gue supirin deh!

Dipikir2. Gue punya soulmate ga ya?
Kayak Droo punya Bryan, kayak JJ punya An-An.

HOLD ON.
Kalau gue malem2 gak bisa tidur, gue mulai miskol orang2. Kalo gue jam 2 pagi kebangun dan ketakutan setengah mati, gue mulai miskol orang2. Apakah ini definisi bestfriend buat gue? Bahwa orang yang akhirnya secara reflek gue highlight nomornya dan gue miskol, adalah orang2 yang gue anggep bestfriend?

So.. did I miss-call you last night? Are you the lucky one? *winks*

Close your eyes.. Make a wish..

59

Holla. Hi guys. Akhirnya bisa ngetik juga.

Setelah dimarahin habis-habisan karna nilai Kimia yang tidak lolos remed, 59, terpampang jelas di rapor midsmester yang dibagiin ke nyokap kemaren, gue merasa terpanggil secara jasmani dan rohani untuk belajar Fisika Fluida dan Kimia Stoikiometri. Hari ini gue juga gak jauh-jauh dari hape dan telpon, buat nyusun acara latihan debat besok di UI.

Besok : Les Surkit -> Les Eksakta -> UI Depok
Lusa sampe hari Kamis : Pelatihan OSN Debat di Gatot Subroto
Jumat : UI Depok lagi..

Hahaha. How can I breathe then? Well. Tapi selalu aja ada yang menarik untuk ditulis di sini, guys.

So, these are some quotes of the week. Ung. Which one is yours?

1. Aku keluar dulu, lamaan dikit, baru kamu keluar.. ya?

2. Mau You Raise Me Down atau Karena SMS..?

3. Tapi.. gak di sebelah gue gapapa, ya?

4. Iyuh.. Sok rajin banget. Gue lagi pijit.. Enak banget lohh..

5. T.. A.. H.. U.. TAHU!!

6. Perasaan saya gak ngajarin dagang dehhh...

Yehehehehe... Btw, hari sabtu kemarin keren banget.. Setelah satu hari yang hectic banget, tiba-tiba hujan aja gitu.. Gue sama dia jadi keujanan dehh.. Hehehe.. Yap, it was quite memorable, you know.. Apalagi pas gue akhirnya sendirian di sekolah, dan satu sekolah udah kosong, trus gue jalan sendirian ke gerbang depan satpam, dan dari sana.. gue ngeliat satu jakarta yang berbalik keadaannya gara2 hujan..

I'm the Rainprince, though.. ^^

So, where were you last saturday, guys? I want to know..
G'night!

PS: Click on this link and say something bout me! http://kevan.org/johari?name=svnvlt

manaketehebleketewewew

Ha-low.

It's been a tiring week. Still got Limit Trigonometri test for tomorrow.

And I have to make it good.

Grr.

Today's been super tiring for me. God. I just did everything I could do today. 3-4-5. Stairs. Walks. Accompaniment. Talks. Smiles. Sadness. Everything.

God.

I'll probably break down and get some sleep.

But. Hey. Hold on.

Still got Math Course at Eksakta this afternoon.

Geez.

What a day.

miss you

Huaa. What a monday. Phew.

Actually. I miss.. my PDA. Palmone Zire 72s.

It's been 2 days without him. Ah. It was Saturday when I brought that thing to the Shop, because of earphone jack problem. I asked them to repair it. And guess what, they said, my Zire 72s would be flown right away to the Palmone authorized service center, in Singapore.

Dangit. I want to go there too, you know. Arghhh..
If only I could accompany him. I wouldn't be this mellow. Hehehe.

Anyway.

I'm quite happy today.

Cheers to that. =D

I love you guys so much, thanks.

You won't regret it. Men don't forget it.
Love is their whole happiness. And it's all so easy.
Try a little tenderness..

the truth is..

You know what happened?

I didn't go to those places I've mentioned before.

Yea, f@#k 'em. What do I care?

No, am not gonna sob. Seriously.

Punch?

Most likely, yes.

Someday people will regret this, ya know what I'm saying.

4 people had been contacted since this morning, I begged to some, I wished to some, I offered to some, and I finally got tired too, really. Some, it's since 2 weeks ago.

Guess what?
None of them eventually went out with me. Some of them just don't want to. Some of them just can't.

- - ;

I ended up going to ManggaDuaMall all alone.

It was SUPERFUN.

Nope, I wasn't talking to myself all the way, though.

Electronics? Got that. Pirated DVDs? So got that. Sightseeing? More than getting that. Satisfaction? More than enough.

You know, just listen what I'm saying.
If you don't want to go with me, mention it from the start.

Other than that, it quite pisses me off.
Gnight~!

comparison

Let's make comparison

I want to go to the Mega Bazaar Computer 2006 because:
1. I wanna get into the crowd of electronics
2. I wanna see how much they can put discount on the MP3 players
3. I wanna buy some blank cds or dvds
4. I wanna read computer tabloids for free there

I don't want to go to the Bazaar because:
1. I don't have that much money to buy things there
2. I'm afraid I'm gonna waste my money for something I'll regret later
3. Well, nobody wants to accompany me
4. I will only stare at those pricey things without buying them

I want to go to the movie because:
1. I haven't been to the cinema since Geisha
2. The movie is the Oscar-winning one
3. I can meet people
4. If I'm not watching it today, it will be hard to make up another chance

I don't want to go to the movie because:
1. Maybe I'll end up alone
2. The guy next door put it off
3. Up to now, nobody has agreed to watch it with me
4. I have to watch it in CL, but I don't really like it there, but again, the nearest cinema other than that is Semanggi

How bout doing both things?
How bout doing nothing?
How bout not going alone?
How bout.. ARGH.

Don't really know.

solitaire

01.54 Dia bilang dia males.

Ya sudah. Saya sendiri aja.

ice cream

Besok. Siapapun yang nemenin saya, saya mau kasih kado terima kasih.

*gak jelas*

I wanna buy some Ice Cream. What would you want?

Ato kalo gak mau, ya udah. T__T

Have a wonderful weekend, guys!

plans

Hi guys. I'm dropping by to list my plan for Saturday.

As usual, just as usual, none of my saturdays is usual. There are appointments, courses, non-stop-journey between places, and 5-minute lunches.

Well, let's see what I'm gonna do this saturday.

1. Computer Club training session as trainer, 08.00 - 11.00.
2. Chemistry course as chemistry-hater, 11.00 - 12.30.
3. Cressendo Band Club meeting, 08.00 - I don't know.
4. National Science Olympiad - English Debating training session with my beloved coach, Astrid, from I don't know until I don't know.
5. Brokeback Mountain watching session alone or with a guy next door, 13.00 - 16.00 or 15.00 - 17.30, still depends on condition.

This is when I need my time-managing-skill. Gosh.
Well. Luckily I don't have any party to attend, so I'll be just relax.

Hold on. Even I know I won't be able to make it, for I can't split my body into 2, and go to both the computer club and cressendo at the same time. Wicked.

And BTW, point 1 to 3 will be cancelled as soon as I know, the debating training will be from morning until noon. But I guess, point 5 will not be cancelled, even if they won't go with me. I will go alone, doesn't really matter.

If you're mean enough, I'll just go alone, it doesn't really matter.
Put it off, just do it. I'm numb at it. Feel free.

Geez.

So, what's your plan for Saturday? Tell me, I wanna know.
Will it be on your own, or.. will it be with me?

Be my guest. =]

these are my beloved friends!

From left to right:
Hendro - Thomas - Gue - Dixon - Dodo - Astrid - Chika

Kebetulan semua yang ada di foto ini deket ma gue. 2IPA1.
Friends Forever, Guys! Luvyah.

aren't lovers

What are lovers anyway? Are they just one-time-settlement of life?
Aren't they ppl we're expecting to be with, for the next 100 years?
Aren't they so?

Hmph. Have a good answer!

when this weekend could lead to so much more

I miss several moments, you know what I'm saying, some places, some movies, some sort of lunches, some talks, some moments. It's like, i'm too thankful to ask for more..

Anyway.

Schooldays have just been great. Pile of work, tons of exercise. Eksakta courses 3 times a week. Surkit's. But I'm quite happy. Love my friends, all of them. Cheering me up everyday in the class, cracking up jokes, smiles and cares.

Well. This is the best class I've ever been into.

Thanx to Meno, Randy, Somad, Hendro, Chika, Kate, Dodo, Ased.. I can't mention one by one, but when I pass by them, they greet me, and it's just.. warm. Friends Forever, Mates.. Sorry if I have ever been wrong to you guys.. Sorry.

I'm thankful I have you guys. Cheers!!

Anyway again.

I'm looking for someone to accompany me this weekend:
1. Mega Bazaar Computer 2006 event at JHCC
2. Brokeback Mountain, the oscar-winning film I have to watch.
3. A talk. Long. Intense.

I'm calling for X, K, Elbert, classmates or whoever loves being with me.
Brokeback Mountain, Mega Bazaar Computer, intense talk.

Would you?

What a perfect weekend it would be, I need it all to come true.
Help me. G'night. Luvyah.

Rachel and Ross - off the table

Rachel's Room. Rachel and Ross. After the things about Rachel's father illness. FRIENDS Season 10.

Rachel : I was thinking about what you said.. about the whole sex thing.. Yeah, Probably it's not a great idea to go down that road again..
Ross : I'm glad you agree..
Rachel : It's a shame though, when we did it was pretty good.. *rachel laughing*
Ross : Yeah, that's true *ross smiling*

Silence.

Rachel : Do you remember one great time when..
Ross : ..Yeah, of course, yeah.. *smiling*
Rachel : It was your birthday..

*both shocked*

Ross : Oh yeahh.. *agreeing one another*
Rachel : But.. I guess it's all in the past..
Ross : It's all in the past..

Both sigh. *starring at each other*

Rachel : Not even one more time.. *convincing herself*
Ross : Not even once.. *agreeing*
Rachel : Even if we want it so bad...
Ross : .. yeah, no matter how bad we want it..
Rachel : That's what we've decided.
Ross : Yeahh.. *laughing*

Silence.

Rachel : It's kind of hard though..
Ross : It's kind of hard.. You know it too..
Rachel : When two people have connection.. it seems like such a.. waste..

Silence.

Ross : I hate waste.

Silence.

Rachel : Ross, Just say no. With us. It's never off the table.

It's never off the table.

I won

I went to my friend's birthday party last night. There were games.

I won Moaning Competition.

Geez. Aaaaaaahhhhhh....

Nice day! =D

selamat pagi - cerpen pendek

Sudah lengkap belum ya, gumamnya pada diri sendiri. Ia meraba sekujur tubuh dan kantong-kantongnya, berharap tidak ada satupun barang yang ketinggalan. Dompet, handphone, dan yang terakhir.. kunci mobil.

Pas, tak ada yang ketinggalan.. Semoga hati ini pun masih di tempatnya.

Sinar matahari menelusup lewat tirai jendela yang setengah terbuka. Langkahnya cepat, ia lalu keluar dari ruang tamu yang masih sepi. Sejenak berhenti dan memandang ke sekeliling pelataran rumah, mencoba menikmati, menyapa panorama pagi yang tidak pernah sebegitu indahnya.

Tersenyum, menghela nafas. Sekejap ia lalu melirik ke jam tangannya, ah, sudah begitu lama pagi ini tersita, sekaranglah waktunya berangkat. Jarinya menekan tombol pintu, dan pada radius 10 meter terdengar bunyi sentakan tuas pengunci pintu mobil.

Drrt. Satu sms masuk.

Sambil terus melangkah, ia memusatkan perhatian pada telepon genggamnya. Membuka inbox, melihat satu tanda unread messages yang kelihatannya penting, ya, itu lebih karena pengirimnya. Nama itu. Segera ia buka.

Inget gak janji tadi malam? 6 lewat 5 di pintu rumah, jangan taruh tasmu di bangku samping. Aku mau duduk. Ahh. Dia.

Senyumnya tak tertahan, malah mengembang lebar, ramah. Bahagia sekali tampaknya ia pagi ini.

Mobil kompak itu diparkirnya kemarin di samping lapangan dekat rumah. Hanya karena lapangan itu penuh pepohonan, seperti layaknya taman saja, hanya, pada musim hujan seperti ini, sekejap tiba-tiba dedaunan bertambah hijau, bertambah rindang, seakan berat hingga banyak yang berguguran. Seperti halnya ia menitipkan mobil itu pada satu pohon besar untuk dijaga baik-baik sepanjang malam.

Ia lalu masuk ke dalam mobilnya, menaruh tas di tempat duduk belakang, lalu menstarter mesin untuk pertama kalinya pagi ini. Lebih tepatnya, menstarter mesin mobilnya sendiri. Akhirnya. Sudah terlalu lama ia menunggu sebuah mobil yang memang hanya untuknya, nah, tak ada lagi kata menunggu pagi ini.

Sesaat ia tersenyum, lalu melemparkan pandangannya ke luar, lewat jendela mobil yang sudah ia turunkan, menatap pemandangan pagi yang luar biasa untuknya. Pepohonan dengan daun yang berguguran, tanah yang basah karna hujan tadi malam, langit pagi yang belum begitu terang.

Awan yang meneduhkan. Menaungi lautan manusia yang memulai hari sekali lagi, ia, aku, dan mereka. Lihat, gumamnya dalam hati, tante tetangga yang mengayuh sepeda, pagi sekali ia pergi ke pasar. Brrm. Sebuah minivan lewat di sebelah, yang di dalamnya terdapat beberapa anak sd duduk, tertidur lelap dibuai angin pagi.

Kungkung sebelah rumah yang sudah beruban, sedang senam tai-chi di tengah lapangan basah. Sendirian. Beberapa anjing berkejaran. Pedagang bubur yang memainkan panci sendok, berdentingan.

Ah. Suara-suara surga. Ia tersenyum. Memasukkan cd yang dibawanya di kantung kemeja, ke dalam cd player mobil. Ia melirik handphonenya, 1 missed call. Sabar ya..

I love you just the way you are.. Suara lembut Billy Joel beserta alunan saxophone yang membuai. Iringan setiap hati yang sedang berdesir, menyanyi, terluapkan rasa jatuh cinta. Satu lagu yang bisa merubah dunia.

6.00. Tangannya melepas rem tangan, perlahan.
Kopling, gigi, gas, lalu mobil itupun bergerak membelah gang pagi yang sepi..

to be continued..

.....

saya lagi nunggu dua orang. satu gak bales msg saya di Y!m gara-gara nama saya mirip sama yang lagi dia sebelin.

Satu lagi gak tahu kenapa. Hampir 4 jam terakhir gak ada kabar.

Saya merasa sungguh bodoh bodoh bodoh bodoh bodoh sekali. Gila. Saya merasa tidak normal. Walaupun saya melihat banyak orang-orang di luar sana yang mirip saya tapi tidak dianggap tidak normal, saya merasa tidak normal.

Selalu merasa bersalah. Minta ini, salah. Minta itu, salah. Saya bingung. Rasanya seperti memberi emas pada orang yang tidak peduli berapa mahalnya emas, sehingga disia-siakan begitu saja. Ditaruh di pojok lemari, dibiarkan berdebu.

Entah. Saya akan tanya dia lagi apa dia mau emas ini. Kalau tidak, biar saya beri pada orang lain. Yang mungkin lebih menghargai emas saya.

Jujur, no offense.

Saya gak pengen marah-marah, tapi entah kenapa darah ini dekat pada mendidih.

Saya entah harus bagaimana.