this is what i'm saying..

I'm doing just fine.

i'll close my eyes and dream away

2 1/2 months are enough.

I'm back to Malaysia tomorrow. I thought I couldn't get thru this easily, yeah I was right. But after today, I've said things I wanted to say, I've done things I wanted to do, I get things out of my chest. A big relief. Thanks to every one of you all, it's been a great moment here, in Jakarta. Thanks to every street I've passed, every person I've talked to, every afternoon I love. I will always remember this holiday as a holiday to remember, simply because things happened, good and bad, and whichever it was, I've been through all I could get thru, and I survived.

I'm ready to leave Jakarta. See you when I see you!

OH SHIT THIS IS SO HARD. =']

karma

I know, God, this is karma I'm facing. Thank you.

sampai besok pagi.

Kalah. Kalah dengan bodohnya.

Seperti sekam tua yang tiba2 disulut korek, membakar. Setelah bertahun2, hangatnya belum habis kerasa. Hangus, kalah, panasnya bersisa. Pengen cepat matikan, tapi entah bertahan sampai kapan. Semoga hanya sampai besok pagi.

a day to remember

I don't wanna waste a lifetime chasing pots of gold..
I don't wanna miss the sunshine standing in the cold..
I don't wanna be the one who's left behind..
I wanna catch a glimpse of life..

C'mon darlin', now we've started something
that we've both gotta want to see right through..
But I know darlin' that I would rather give it up
than waste these precious moments with you..

Mamas Gun - Pots of Gold

private practice

After all this time, I still think I am way expired. For over a year now. I've been excusing myself, telling myself that the time will come. I believe it will. So God, I ask you kindly, please don't let them take that away from me.


Because I'll just let it be. We'll see.

hah

I just came across some of my highschool friends in friendster, and the real one question that popped in my head is that: how are those highschool jerks? are they still a bunch of jerks or have they grown up a little? do they still talk and shout crap all the time?

I really wanna know! =D

pity you

Kenapa ya orang2 di dunia ini ga bisa berusaha baik untuk hal2 kecil ataupun hal2 besar yang sebenernya merupakan kepentingan diri sendiri?



I rarely end up asking for help. I DO ask for help, don't get me wrong here, in the event of 'could you lower your voice please', 'could you please get out this is my room', 'could you please bother someone else with that question', or simpler things such as 'mbaak di mana kaos kaki aku?'. I think I love doing things by myself and I'm really proud that I don't bother people around, especially if the problem is caused or about me.

Surprisingly, in return, I love to help. I really love to help until I think people take me for granted that I'm there to help. The feeling doesn't conclude itself in a very short period, other than that, it accumulates and it does so until I reach the point where I could not differentiate whether I'm wanted to help out or I'm being manipulated.

Really. So in the end it goes like this: If I ever need help, which is not seldom, I will ask for it in a very kind manner as I'm the one who needs it, and beforehand, I will have done everything I could to handle it by myself, and the most important thing is that I will not let myself be a burden to whoever helping me out, I will not let myself ask for more than the very HELP itself.

So if the problem is 100%, firstly I will try to tackle it as much as I could, for example 40%, and let the impossible 60% be a kindness of whoever helping me out. Not finished yet, I will only ask for that 60%, and if I could provide a limo for that person to fetch him back and forth, when money is not one of my problem here, I would. I would do everything to entertain the person, simply because I'm the one who needs help.

If you need help and nobody in this world could do you a favor beside him and you treat him like a crap, you better pity yourself because I pity you.



Oh, people nowadays. Where are your heads?

kota tua

Tadi malam saya mimpi tentang kos-an. Untuk kedua kali.

Kalau beberapa malam sebelumnya saya mimpi dapat tempat kamar di sebuah rumah yang rame banget, dan waktu itu kebayang daerah Latumeten, gang sempit rumah bertingkat, gaya Indo lama; tadi malam saya mimpi dapat kamar di daerah stasiun kota, daerah Kota Tua yang tiba2 sungainya melebar dan meng-indah, saya dapat kamar yang menghadap ke sungai.

Ah. Betapa masalah kamar saya yang belum secara resmi saya sewa di malaysia bisa sampai kebawa tidur.



Have a nice weekend, people.

kembalilah..

I don't want to whine about it. I just want to make the best of it, coz we knew this day was gonna come, and we chose to live it. I'm trying my best.