When I was in Jakarta, it was so hard for me to leave. I knew, I knew that it was gonna be okay. I, will be okay in the end. But you know, going thru that phase, it was not easy. I was in Jakarta for two and a half months, there were some things you had taken for granted on those days, and I got used to that. Got used to the comfort of being home, and got used to the pain.
I was in pain when I got back here, again. Not an easy evening, that night before I left. Seconds were going like a lot slower than usual. Funny, I knew I was in pain, but still, I was thinking that I was gonna miss all of those. Getting emotional, several feelings were mixed up with pain, but before I knew it, I was in PJ, again.
Talking thru this, why in the world was I thinking that I was gonna miss the pain? Oh, fuck myself. Stupid.
It's so nice to be back here again. I love my friends, well this part is new, since I didn't (towards some), but it's gonna be a long long story to get it told completely, and it just doesn't work the other way. I'm loving my small room, I'm loving the fact that I'm here on my own, but being on my own is not without friends. They are all here for me, and that's just nice. I love the part when I wake up and I go to the kitchen and open the blinds, I can see and feel and smell the morning. Sky is not bright yet, but from far, you can see a ray of light, a shining start of day. The view is breathtaking, imagine I'm seeing this from 17th floor: a city with its early morning haze, and the smell is just wonderful. I can even see cars get stuck in the early packed traffic, going downtown, as well as people going to work and college.
As I prepare my breakfast (two scrambled or boiled eggs and a cup of full-cream milk), I can't stop thanking God how I'm blessed with such a beautiful morning, and I get to see this each and every day. But that is not all, I get to do things all at once, preparing breakfast, bathing, washing dishes, and stuff. Soon after that, you'll find me rushing to the lift and walking briskly to the college with a green apple in my hand, and well, that, is special.
That's still not all. I get to prepare lunch on weekends, and dinner also on weekdays. Pretty occupied, I see, but when I am occupied, that's me at my best. I'm being rational, I'm being logical, and I can put aside my emo bit for a second there. I also stick to my beloved daily routine: gym sessions. Too much to describe it here, but you know, every part of my life here is nothing but enjoyable. I know I will still bitch about it here, but I also know that things don't get better than this. Routine, friends, a fresh morning air, and my kind of fun. Packed in one.
As I get through my first weeks back here again, I was and maybe am still in pain, but I realise something. I realise, that those days when I rant about things, that I didn't want things to change, that I was in pain, that I didn't want to go back here again; I simply forgot about things that make me more than alive. I forgot that I was happy, I was happier here, in PJ. I was damn happy. Jakarta? Yeah it was good and all, but the pain part was not cool. I forgot that I could enjoy a simple morning to the fullest, I could have my gym sessions as my kind of fun, I don't have to worry about silly things, and the very fact that I could live. I was alive, back there in Jakarta, but here, I'm more than alive.
All I need to do is to remember things, all the good things that I once forgot, and my being here is nothing but best. Now, I'm doing fine. I'm better than when I was in Jakarta. I'm okay. Thanks for the days, Jakarta. I'm not missing you for now. I hope I won't.
I'm pretty much done.
It's time to live a good life. =D
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