kembalilah..

I don't want to whine about it. I just want to make the best of it, coz we knew this day was gonna come, and we chose to live it. I'm trying my best.

I think

I think I'm the only one left in this world who is still capable of handling emotions in a very logical and non-destructive manner. Am I the only one who is still using something useful-unless-you-don't-use-it called brain?

Maybe.

you really know where to start

I really love it if I could just talk anything I want to anyone I want to talk to. But sometimes, I love it even more when someone wants me to listen to whatever someone wants to share with me.

It's been forever since I got a warm hug, and this holiday, eventhough it's warm enough with all friends around me who keep making me feel blessed, I still still long for muw. When I get back there, when I eventually have to fly back to PJ, I will have to face another months of desperate longing.

I know, though, when I get back there, things will have changed.

I hope it's a good change.

memories

A lot of things have happened.

No, I was joking. It's holiday, what do you expect?

Despite the fact that I'm confused myself about whether I'm getting muscular or fatter (I really can't tell), I feel good because of the exercises that have become a sort of routine for me. Mom always complains though, like, how if this will make me addicted and I can never get enough of it, but I guess mom has known me too well that she doesn't want me to change into those headless hunks I often meet in the gym.

Oh and now I guess I've eliminated one phobia off my list. So happy to do that. It's surprising how people often fear about something they haven't faced before. I was one of those people, now I'm not. A progress.

I'm not upset anymore about NUS thingy. Surprisingly, I now start thinking of things I have to think about before flying back to PJ, like where I'm gonna live before august and stuff. Hum. As my stuff are scattered in my friends' places, I literally don't have any place to stay. Haha.

One thing that kept me alive at the moment I got the bad news was how people get back at me about the news. 'It's good to have you around', 'I can still meet you then!', oh how I am so thankful they are there in my life.

Hum.

Actually I want to write about this. You know, before I got to malaysia, there were a lot of things happened. Some stuff that once were so important, I believe it was a drama and conflict and oh-that's-so-high-school kinds of stuff. And it's obvious, whenever a case happened, it involved someone else. Someone important.

I remember that I was quite upset with this one friend. But what surprises me now is that I can't remember what I was upset about. It's been two years, but I do remember things happened in the very long past vividly so this one is kinda new. I can't recall, I can't remember the conflict. I think I barely remember, but though I'm thinking about it now in a way like why-would-I-get-mad-about-those-kind-of-stuff way. Seriously.

It's either I was very exaggerating stuff and I have become less exaggerating eversince, or simply I am not that person anymore.

Have I changed?

Let's say, it's exactly like the saying: time heals wounds. If that's the case, then I think it's a good thing I've forgot about all those negative moments so that I've moved on unconsciously and we could sort of open a new chapter of our friendship. I then apologized to the person. Not a long time ago. I suddenly felt like apologizing. I felt like I need to as.

Then I pose another question. Did I mess things up? Was it me? Or was it you? If time heals my wound, will it heal your wound too if I did make one? Are we going through the same phase of life although we are thousands of miles apart?



I hope we do.

I hope people do.

quote of the day

'oic.. good to have you around.. '



Thanks. Thanks.

expiry date

I'm expired.

I'm best before last night.




Thanks cad, ta. I appreciate it.

little light entertainment

I don't make it into NUS.

That's an update.

I don't get into NUS because I'm not that smart. And I may not be able to go to University of Melbourne because I'm not that rich. I have to face it.

I'm looking for a university that appreciate the fact that people can't be all THAT smart and THAT rich.

Those people should really feel lucky because they have at least one of those. Rich or fucking smart.

Sometimes I don't get it. I want to go sulking all day because of this but I know I should have seen this coming, so I will just shut up and write one post. And I really have to let this go.

I was really hoping that I could get in, you know. A little part of me kept on saying this time I could make it. What was I thinking?

See, I still couldn't let go.

I need a slap on my face.

I have to let go.

i'll be home tonight

I'm going home today..
I believe I've missed each and every face..
get there and play my music..
Turn on every love light in the place..

It's time I found myself..
Totally surrounded in the circles..
Oh oh, my friends..




Please, celebrate me home..

my friend's friend's twin

I just got back from KLCC, celebrating the end of exam with Jessica and Liz. It was real fun for me. Real fun. I can't remember the last time I get to talk and talk and walk and walk and just inhale the air of a shopping center. I love the smell. That's weird.

Anyway, the funny thing happened afterwards.

In the platform where I was waiting for the train, I saw a familiar glimpse of someone. He was familiar. He was waiting for the same train. He was kinda looking at me. After a while I realized that he is my friend's friend who often bumps into me when I'm having dinner or something. He is Maria's friend. Though, I'm not close with Maria, we just happen to greet each other every time we meet, never engage in a conversation. I don't even know his name. And I then thought about it over: is it really the guy? Even if this is the guy, I can't greet him. It takes a name to greet him, and I don't know his name. I also never greet him before, I only greet Maria. But now if I know he's Maria's friend, I bet he knows I'm the guy that often greets Maria, and that will be totally awkward and wrong and bad if I don't greet him. And plus I wasn't so sure.

Fast forward to the moment when I reached my stop, so I got down from the train. He did the same thing, he got down at the same stop. I got my guts. I shouldn't be that cruel.

I greeted: Hey you're just alone? Not with Maria?

It sounds so improper, but I said it in Indonesian coz I was sure he's Indonesian, so he must understand what I'm saying.

He replied: Oh, you're mistaken! I'm not him, I'm his twin..

Gosh.

Hahahahahahahaha.

So they are twins! I'm like acting so cool, he looks at me as if I know his twin well, but in fact, I even never greets his twin! I never know his twin's name! I thought it would be cruel to not greet someone we know that we meet on the train.

I thought the conversation ended already. But I was wrong.

It turns out that he carried on talking about things, asking me things such as where I went just now for what, which term I am in. I'm not a hospitality student, I'm an architecture student, I said. How do you know him then? He was then curious. I saw him several times with my friend, Maria, I said. Oh.

We kept on talking until we had to go our way, he was going to his condo, I was going to mine.



I was quite stunned.

Is this what I've missed all this time? This is new. He is a stranger, someone I thought I knew. I was mistaken about who he is. But we managed to engage in a conversation! I feel bad. I really feel bad. If I were him, I would just walk away, probably. My head would be filled with tons of prejudice and invisible gap, I would feel insecure. But he did not. He talked to me like I'm really his friend, like I was not mistaken, like I correctly recognized him.

Geez.

I really need to learn this.

And up to this time, I still don't even know his name. His name will be 'someone I met on the train, someone I thought I knew but later I realized that I was wrong, someone that is the twin of someone I knew, someone whose name I never know, was wrong about, and will never know'.

Quite a long name.