Friday, June 30, 2006

some memories

I've decided.
If someday I have a child, I want to name him 'Raya'.

Just. So I can be with my Raya, hug him, and love him to bits, everyday.
Arh. I will so love my son with this beautiful name.
And I will tell him, how the name came out in the first place. A long story.
A heart-throbbing story, though.

Raya
def: giant, massive, surrounding, strong, and sheltering.
An honest tribute to someone I always adore.

Take care!

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

dilemma (with glossary)

The most recent state of mind: confused.

Between continuing a 200-page-handwritten book and starting a whole new blank book. What kind of book? The clue for this is: Peter Gabriel. Let's see how your brain works.

Er. I'm in the middle of dilemma here. Ya, ya, not only in 'that' matter, but also in this matter. ISDC. Debating. WSDC. HongKong. Oh~damn. I'm waiting for the announcement about The Jakarta's Big 4 Speakers. Next month, probably. There are some scenarios though:

FYI, let me make my glossary first.
ISDC: Indonesian Schools Debating Championship
WSDC: World Schools Debating Championship

1. I make it into the Jakarta's Big 4 Speakers for the upcoming ISDC.

~and get chosen later on as the official team. But then, soon I'm into all the debating trainings, everyday, intensive, and it kills my brain because in the other hand I have to start getting lessons from school, and finish my design project. And I won't have time to date, for example. In the end, I'll be hated by my significant others by not being able to give time for them, and not be able to keep up on physics and stuff in school, and maybe be hated by friends coz now I'm one of those OSNers. --; Paradigm, everyone.

But then, I have the pride of being the best of Jakarta, and the chance to go to HongKong for next year's WSDC. (notice the word 'chance'). I will put this priceless qualification on my CV, and see if I could make it to the US Universities upon a scholarship. I dream about this every night.. oh, dear. Every effort I've made will be paid off. Oh~isn't that wonderful? *crying*

(IF..)

2. I don't make it into Jakarta's Big 4 Speakers for the upcoming ISDC.

~and break down and cry because I was beating my head to the wall for the last selection. I was trying hard to keep up with all those speakers, Andrew from 34, Yove from SangTi, Agna from 34. I will lose the chance to be the Jakarta Team for the next ISDC (which will be something big to cry about each night, coz this is what every debater wants..), I will lose the chance to go to HongKong, my lovely place with all those magnificent skycrappers..I love itt..), and I will lose a very important qualification for my CV. ISDC, it's what will make me probably go to New York and study there upon a scholarship.

BUT. I will have more time for school, not bother about all those tight-scheduled debating trainings, and will have more time for dating. Isn't that nice? *crying*

3. I make it into the 12-grader-Jakarta's Big 4 Speakers, BUT I won't be facing ISDC because the new regulation doesn't allow the 12 graders to be one of those debating squad.

~this will make everything balanced. Erh. Still, losing the chance to go to HongKong. But at least I don't lose my time for school, and I still get the pride.

ARH.

Dilemma. Sunsilk. anyone?

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

The Rainprince

Cuentame, otra vez si no es el mismo sol de ayer el que se esconde hoy..
Para ti, para mi, para nadie mas se ha inventado el mar..
Dejame que te de cada segundo envuelto en un atardecer de vida..
Para ti, para mi, para nadie mas se ha inventado el mar..
Pero ninguno sabia muy bien que hacer..
Pero ninguno sabia muy bien que hacer..

Monday, June 26, 2006

apayangkausendirimau

Berpikir untuk menghilang dari segala dunia
Dunia nyata, dunia cinta, atau apapun yang kaukitapunya

Berpikir supaya mudah kau menerima
Terima nyata, terima cinta, atau apapun yang kaukitapunya

Berpikir agar terlindas salah satu ban besar di luar sana
Di luar sana, di dalam kepala, atau dimanapun kaupikirkitaada

Mencari jarum untuk segala benang kusut yang mendera
Bukan untuk menempatkan pada lubangnya
Untuk melubangi diri yang kaukiratidakadabekaslukanya

Melubangi diri sambil teriaksampaimati
Hingga takpeduli diakausiapapeduli
Lepas dari salahyangmembuatkaumati

AEFEWAORJOR.SDFDSJFL.DSFLADFJLDSFLK.

Tabrak aku di tengah rayaramainyajalan
Kepala berdarah-darah atau segalabujurluka terserah
Aku mau kehilangan semua memori yang tertelan
Berpikir untuk hidup tanpa ingatan

Kau bisa segera mencariku dan memulaiapayangkausendirimau

dsgsdrgrfretfrgv

Hari ini ke EX - Djakarta Theatre.

Hohoho~

Rumah, Bakmi Kumis di P2, Halte Sawah Besar, Halte Bundaran HI, Plaza Indonesia atas bawah depan belakang ketemu beberapa orang, EX, Starbucks dengan segelas MochaBanana yang baru itu, Sarinah, Hero Sarinah, Djakarta Theatre, 21, CARS, McD Sarinah, Halte Bundaran HI, Busway, Halte Sawah Besar, Halte Olimo, Mangga Besar, Rumah.

It was a blast.

Ya, seperti yang gue bilang sebelumnya. Memories. Dan tadi gue merunutnya satu persatu. Ada sedih. Ada penyesalan. Ada penyesalan kenapa gue gampang banget memutuskan move on. Ada penyesalan kenapa gue bikin orang nangis. Ada penyesalan kenapa gue segampang itu meladeni realita.

Tapi. Tadi gue bahagia. Ngobrol banyak, jalan banyak, ketawa banyak, nanya banyak, jawab banyak, ngehina banyak.

Sedih juga banyak sih. Toh theme gue minggu ini: sedih tapi bahagia. Bahagia tapi sedih. Tapi ya sud lah.

BTW CARS KEREN. Ngebosenin di tengah-tengah, tapi akhirnya keren banget. Saya cukup terharu. Soundtracknya juga. =D Hehehe. Apa seh~

Bakmi Kumis P2, BananaMocha Starbucks, Frestea Lemon, McFries, McD Beef Burger, McD Spicy Chicken Burger.

May I write 2 contradictive postings in one day? Gue cuma pengen ngomong, mungkin memang salah gue kalo nganggep memories itu lebih baik ditaruh di belakang dan gak diliat lagi, karna itu namanya melarikan diri dari perasaan. Dan perasaan itu adalah sesuatu yang gue gak bisa escape.

Arh.

Jadi bingung sendiri.

DAMN GUE JADI BINGUNG SEKARANG.

Maap~gue pikir gue bisa ngelanjutin posting ini.

Tapi enggak bisa. Biarin ngegantung aja.

Toh gue lagi bingung.

though I'm too far gone

Halo.

Sudah lumayan lama saya tidak menulis secara serius di sini. Updates?

# 2 Job design baru. # Penantian hasil whether or not saya masuk Tim Jakarta untuk debat di ISDC. # Tim Smukie menang juara 1 di STAN, Andre dan Maya (CONGRATS, OH, REALLY PROUD OF YOU GUYS!! =D). # Kangen berat sama beberapa orang yang pernah ngobrol sama saya tentang janjinya suatu hari nanti dengan saya, yang mana belum dan mungkin gak akan pernah kesampaian. # Perasaan di mana jalan-jalan keliling kota sudah membuat kaki saya numb dan kecanduan dengan hal tersebut.

Kondisi minggu terakhir: Sedih tapi bahagia. Bahagia tapi sedih.

Kondisi saat ini: sehat, hanya didera rasa kangen dengan salah satu orang yang pernah masuk dalam kehidupan saya, dulu. Oh~damn. Gue harus move on.

Soundtrack saat ini: Taylor Dayne - Love Will Lead You Back. Taylor Hicks - Do I Make You Proud.

Beberapa barang yang terlewat di pikiran: CD soundtrack Arisan!, Buku About A Boy, Supernova, Kemeja, dan Kartu As.

@!#!$!@!~

Kadang, gue merasa membuat kenangan terlalu banyak. Seringnya, gue lagi gak inget semua kenangan itu. Gue simpen di dasar kolam. (Jadi inget Liverpool: Kolam Hati. Wakakak..). Dengan banyaknya aktivitas, mikirin banyak hal jadi gak kepikiran hal-hal yang penuh kenangan. Bukannya gue lupa. Tapi mungkin otak rasional gue memilih untuk gak mengingat itu, atau gak mengangkat itu ke permukaan. Forget For Good. Karna, dia tahu once gue inget..

..gue kadang lepas kendali. Kangen berat. Kadang, penyesalan. Kadang, sedih. Sedih. Kangen berat. Penyesalan. Sedih.

Dan~kalo udah kayak gini, gue jadi susah berpikir rasional. Brian berubah sebentar jadi Bre yang supermellow mengingat masa2 dua tahun. Jadi Bri yang dianggap perfect sama AB karna bisa match pikirannya. Jadi Brit yang katanya baik banget telah mengorbankan banyak sekali hal.

OH~DAMN.

It doesn't hurt. It just makes me mellow. So. Very. Unbelievably.

Dan pengen aja, I could have some little chat to the person involved in my feelings. Cuma untuk satu-dua hal nanyain kabar. Tapi, boleh gak ya? Dan~bisa gak ya?

Arh.

God.

I hate memories.

It keeps me living, it keeps me suffering.

Though I'm too far gone.

Have a nice day!

Sunday, June 25, 2006

This what I dream about
but the only question with me now
Is do I make you proud..

Stronger than I've ever been now
Never been afraid of standing out
But do I make you proud..

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

This is the quote of the week:
God creates a rainbow to make every kids smile when they look at it..
God creates angels to guard, love, care and share kindness to everybody..
Damn. I wanna kidnap one of them: ..You.
Jadi, salah gue kalo ada yang sms kayak gini?

This is the last sms from me to X:
2 Pintu terbuka lagi. Dan aku harus milih yang mana. Satu orang udah pernah pergi dari hidupku demi liat kita berdua. Tapi, aku ga even ngerasa dia bahagia sekarang, liat kita yang kemarin, Pikirin malam ini.
So. Now I'm confused.

The bottom line is: I just wanna be happy. Believe me.

Monday, June 19, 2006

nightshout!

SELAMAT BUAT SEMUA ANAK KELAS 3 YANG BARU LULUS!

Anak2 Smukie, CC, Sanur BSD, dan semua anak kelas 3 di luar sana yang saya kenal. Hehehehe. Selamat. Akhirnya perjuangan kalian berakhir! ~Ups. Masih ada SPMB ya? Hihihi. Met BTA kalo geetoohh~~ :P

Selamat ya. Terutama buat para siswa yang panik semalam sebelum pengumumann: kasiaan deh loo. Hehehe. See? Mana muungkeeenn gak luluuusss~~ So, jangan lupa traktir2 yaa!! :P

Doaken saya buat dua hal: pelatihan dan seleksi OSN Debat menjelang ISDC, dan juga lomba Debat di STAN BINTARO yang jauhnya amiit amiit mampuss~~.. Doaken semoga saya sukses dan tidak collapse kelelahan di tengah2 acara. Hohoho.

So, have a nice week! :P

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Saturday, June 17, 2006

meteor garden

Setelah puluhan drama Taiwan, Korea, Barat, gue tonton di DVD, parabola, VCD, maupun di TV, ada satu, hanya satu, drama seri yang menurut gue adalah drama yang paling luar biasa bagus. Sinematografi, plot, karakterisasi, tema, dan arti cerita.

Meteor Garden.
Drama ini luar biasa. Setuju? Bukan F4nya, FGS. --; Tapi, ceritanya.

Ya itu aja sih. Secara liburan ini, dede gue mulai membuka koleksi Meteor Garden dan menontonnya lagi. Keren, menurut gue. Hehehe. *disambit*



Dibutuhkan satu ombak yang luar biasa besar, untuk bisa menenggelamkan gue lagi, setelah sekian lama gue berdiri hampir terlalu kuat dan mencoba jadi sebuah batu. Dan, terima kasih telah menjadi ombak besar itu. Semoga gue gak mimpi.




*oh~damn, scene di meteor garden mengharukan sekali..hiks hiks..*

Thursday, June 15, 2006

oh~#%^&!!

melongok, sekujur belok / selumur jiwa elok
menyitaku pangling / yah, dasar, tak beradar
tak sempat kumenengok
dalam jatuh yang itu / yang dulu

tak beradar tapi kuberakal / menalar keramahan
dalam jeram hampa hampir kuterbiasa
hingga surga tak berdetik
tak berpagar / tak bersesal / menghanyutkanku

tapi dialah/ melongok, sekujur belok, menengok
selumur jiwa elok
di persimpangan ini kubercerita
kata ke kata / mata ke mata
seperti bahagia / yang dulu pernah tertunda


Oh~shit. Puisi ini gak pernah tepat. Entah. Tiba-tiba gue merunut ke semua orang yang pernah deket sama gue, gebetan, mantan gebetan, hampir-jadian-gebetan, mantan, dan semuanya. Dan gue gak merasa gue pernah berada di posisi yang tepat.

Tapi, memang, kita dikasih Tuhan 1000 orang yang salah, sebelum 1 orang yang tepat? Mungkin memang, supaya kita akhirnya bisa menghargai orang yang tepat tersebut, tapi, apa fair kalo dibandingin semua sakit yang gue dapet?

Dan. Sialan, bangsat, brengsek. Kadang2 gue gak tahan aja.

Gue LARI. Lari, sekenceng itu, supaya gue bisa ngikutin ritme seseorang. Trus kita pisah. Trus abis itu gue ketemu orang yang jalannya LELET abis. Udah pengen teriak aja. --; Belum, belum ada yang jalannya ngimbangin gue.. Yang gue gak usah komplen, yang dia gak usah komplen, yang pas, gitu.

Oh~shit. Ada yang udah seperti gue mau, tapi akhirnya dia berubah. Ada yang gak seperti yang gue mau, dia gak brubah-brubah. For crying out loud, what's happening is beyond my control. And this thing makes me tired. Trying to understand changes, trying to change the misunderstanding. Oh~God~I hate this.

Oh~shit. Apa harus ya begini? Ketemu dengan 1000 orang yang salah dulu? Seribet itu? Selama itu? Argh. Sometimes, I can't stand this. Ga tahan betapa gue takut salah, dan salah gue memperburuk keadaan, ato apapun itu. Bahkan gue ada masalah sekarang, dan gue gak bisa cerita, hanya karna 1. gue takut merusak mood orang 2. orangnya gak merasa itu penting 3. gue akan merasa bodoh di akhir acara karna gue memperburuk mood orang.

Oh~damn. *bayu mode on* Hihihihihihi.

And, for now, I guess I stop.
I stop looking. I'm too tired.
Not 'let it flow'. Just 'let it be'.

I did my best / But I guess my best wasn't good enough..
I gave my all / But I think my all may have been too much..

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

the townboy!


Home -> Toko Kertas Victory -> Multiplus Mediterania Garden Residences -> Citraland -> Sarinah -> Djakarta Theatre -> EX -> Plaza Indonesia -> Home.


What a good day for a townboy. 10 to 5. All by myself. And I just love being the part of the hectic Jakarta. It's killing my feet, but it feels good.

Failure To Lauch?
It's a romantic heartbreaking comedy. A must-see.

When I was in EX, I decided to rest my feet and buy a cup of juice or whatever, so I could sit down on one of the couch in tunnel-alike-EX, where you can sit down, enjoy whatever you buy, and get the mesmerizing look of the afternoon jakarta through its windows.

And, there was one thing.

Behind my couch, there was a group of girls who celebrated one of their birthday. 3 Girls, actually. They sat on the couch, blew out a candle, enjoyed a chocolate birthday tart, and chatted happily.

Ahh. So..sweet.

The joy didn't stop there. After a while, I found out that the birthday girl stood, brought some tart, and gave it to several shop-keepers nearby.

And I WAS LIKE..: AHH... SO SWEET...!

A birthday, maybe the usual one, but it could create a touching scene for me, coz, even me, I'm not that generous to people I don't know. And these girls, when you see them, you might think that they're all rich-air-headed-girls, but, after all, they care about people on birthday.

Ah..

I want that kind of birthday, you know. Have some bestfriends roaming around jakarta, and see if I could somehow cheer them up and make an unforgettable day for them, and for me..

Ah. Jakarta, you made my day!

Monday, June 12, 2006

eh halo

Eh. Halo.

Apa kabar dunia? Tetep asyikkk.

Tadi malam saya ke Baby Face cafe, Djakarta Theatre. Er. Some sort of boredom, I guess. I know, I should've been happier at those times, with all those frikkinly surrounding sounds, like beats of dugem or stuff. But, really, I prefer doing the other 100 things to being there, you know.

Just so you know, I love the 'chatting with friends' part, 'dining' part, but not the 'so-called-dugem-hype-that-teens-normally-like'. It's just that, like last night, I was coming to a moment where I just wanna take out my pda and put on my earphones and listen to my kind of music and enjoy the city lights somewhere outside the cafe.

Really. I'm that weird, so to speak.

I don't know.

I'm going thru a phase I know you will just feel in your like, 20s or later.

Haha. This kind of moment awaits, ladies and gentlemen.

Er. And another thing.

I met a long-lost-ever-close-fs friend. We chat thru smses. Just so I have a channel to speak out my mind, like, about what I'm feeling without expecting a thorough response, cause you know, we're only friends.

But somehow, this new friend cheered me up. Cheers to that.

And, ya, I heard some false things about my X. X is happy now, don't bother to that. And, you know what, I've got to a point where I don't even have power to bother to that. So, just, anything. I only bother people who want to accompany me.

Also, still remember Y? I had a long long conversation with this person, and it's a relief, finding out that Y has had a particular someone to rely on. Maybe someday, a hug won't kill. And I still don't know why occasionally Y hugs me. --;

No, I'm not that desperate, K. Hehehe. Just, I guess I'm done with the 'struggling' part. Now, at this very moment, I'm into 'waiting' and 'letting it be' part. Enough with the struggling.

At least, somehow I could do a little 'slowing down' this week. Before another 'debating' week starts next week, and I won't have enough time to breathe.

So.

Whenever you meet me on my way to anywhere, a smile and a hand would be appreciated.

Ya.

Like once.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

thank god

God knows I've been having a hard time on myself.

Some says I'm pushing myself too hard, some says I'm a piece of stone, some says I'm a disturbance.

And I can't stop wondering why, while I think I'm trying to do the best I can. Even I start asking, is 'doing nothing' the way out? Tell me.

Then I went to Mega Mall.

Geez.

God works in a mysterious way. He knows I need somebody who could start and initiate conversation, then so be it.

A total stranger, kind and talkative, stood beside me in front of magazine section in Gramedia. And the next thing I knew, I'm in a conversation with this stranger for 15-20 minutes. Talk about all.

A stranger, ladies and gentlemen. --;

*this feels like having a reality out of movies you watch in 21*

And this is the first time I meet a person who in the end of conversation asks for my mobile number. Geez. I even wouldn't have courage to do that if I were him.

Er.

Then in my way there, I then met Si Botak (you know it, cum), Dickson, and the altar guy from the church.

Uhm. At least, you guys made my day.

And thanks for that. I'm close to forgeting how it feels to be cheered up by another someone, as I recall how hard it is to cheer someone up. Now I get my pay-off.

Ah.

What a nice day.

The rainbow always comes after the rain.

I should've known that. Fool me.
..I hate burdening people. Then I'm asking no more.

Let it be.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Your Thunder. My Surrender.

Accompany me tonight.

Saturday, June 03, 2006

halo

Download Bebek Biru [Censored] here!

Halo. Baru kelar Exams. Ada 1 remed. Mat. Semoga ga bertambah, ya? --; Doaken. Soalnya kalo remed terus, sama aja kayak Exams lagi. Kan saya juga mau relax. --;

Nah. Buat yang juga mau relax, mending download dan baca cerpen saya. Jangan lupa baca sampe abis. Kalo gak ngerti, ulang lagi. Kalo gak ngerti juga, kesalahan bukan pada penulis. *kabur* Dan setelah membaca, jangan lupa konsep hak cipta lalu dengan segala kerendahan hati saya meminta diisikan comment di bawah ini. Hihihi.

Gak cuma komen aja kok. Kalo ada yang mau ngajakin ke Djakarta Theatre juga boleh. Traktir ya? Pake service tax juga loh. Jangan lupa! *kabur*

Dan oh ya. Standing ovation saya buat kontestan idol tadi malam adalah untuk SISI IDOL dan GEA IDOL. Buat Sisi, yang sukses membuat saya menyamakan dirinya dengan Mariah Carey plus kemben superseksi berkilau itu. Buat Gea yang sukses merubah segala melodi bait kedua lagu Dia dengan sangat indah dan mengagumkan. Oh ya. Dan salut buat TESA IDOL buat ke'gendut'annya. *kabur*

POSTING INI DIPERSEMBAHKAN OLEH:
Lulur Mandi PURBASARI. Lulur mandi yang gambarnya Vokalis Radja.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

1 Lagi. Fisika. Besok.

Hari ini capek, pusing, sakit kepala, laper, bete, ngantuk.

Pengen ditemenin ngobrol yang romantis. --;

Phew.