Merry Christmas, Everyone. =]
Monday, December 29, 2008
Monday, December 22, 2008
result
Sem 3 results are out.
I can't be happier. Can't be happier than this.
Best, best semester ever.
I thank God.
=']
Thanks everyone, for this wonderful sem, for every support and help along the way.
Thanks so much! Thanks so much.
I can't be happier. Can't be happier than this.
Best, best semester ever.
I thank God.
=']
Thanks everyone, for this wonderful sem, for every support and help along the way.
Thanks so much! Thanks so much.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Sunday, December 07, 2008
long lost love
I ever took minutes (okay, seconds) to actually stare at this piece of art when I went to Berjaya Times Square's Giordano shop like 4 months ago, and I was in love from that second until now, knowing that the price is just too high and at the same time I couldn't endure that incurable spontaneous rationalization going on in my head, judging the piece of art towards the value for money.
You can never justify money over art, but yes, sometimes I just have no money, and that saddened me so much that I had to end up longing for it, not buying.
From that moment on, I've always been thinking about it to a point where it suddenly disappeared from Giordano's shelves, and it was like missing a so much waited-for rain. I let it go, I let it happen that I would never actually have that piece of art even if I have money now to buy it, simply because it's finished or not in stock anymore.
But God gave me a second chance.
At the very moment I saw that shirt in Pluit Village Giordano Sale Stall, I screamed out my old buried hope, and when I actually knew that I got 50% off the price, I was in this unspeakable tremendous joy.
So, here it is, the long lost love of mine, the Giordano's World Without Strangers Tee Project by Hidekichi Shigemoto, a japanese designer, this one and only shirt..
You can never justify money over art, but yes, sometimes I just have no money, and that saddened me so much that I had to end up longing for it, not buying.
From that moment on, I've always been thinking about it to a point where it suddenly disappeared from Giordano's shelves, and it was like missing a so much waited-for rain. I let it go, I let it happen that I would never actually have that piece of art even if I have money now to buy it, simply because it's finished or not in stock anymore.
But God gave me a second chance.
At the very moment I saw that shirt in Pluit Village Giordano Sale Stall, I screamed out my old buried hope, and when I actually knew that I got 50% off the price, I was in this unspeakable tremendous joy.
So, here it is, the long lost love of mine, the Giordano's World Without Strangers Tee Project by Hidekichi Shigemoto, a japanese designer, this one and only shirt..
Thursday, December 04, 2008
peluk
I'm going home tomorrow. That's wonderful. And I'm gonna miss this place so much.
See you soon, in Jakarta!
See you soon, in Jakarta!
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
little words
Hi everyone.
I managed to have finished everything I needed to finish for this sem. 3 Exam papers: Construction, Services, and History. 1 final assignment: 3Ds max. 1 final studio presentation.
Everything went well, and I'm still very thankful for that.
To me, the major cases of this end of semester is History and Studio. History is quite obvious, since I managed to (almost) fail my 3 quizzes, and I'm not really good at memorizing things since like kindergarten. But what I did was I just put extra effort since days before and found some new ways to actually remember all the years and architects and buildings and floor plans. The paper turned out to be quite okay. I'm optimistic about the result.
Studio. Okay, I'm pretty equipped with brain, taste, and logic for this case, and everything went fairly well until I had to prepare for the final presentation. I'm not good at not challenging myself, and here comes the trouble. Being very attention-whore and kiasu and wanting to be different from others, I came up with like a thousand of ideas of how I'm gonna present it, being very tasteful and well-equipped. This is my first studio, and I don't ever want to regret it later. That's the thing. I was lost in preparing that for almost a week, and you know, this kind of thing just doesn't work if you don't test it out, and it took up a hell lot of time out of me.
Things turned out quite good. Yes, I only had 2 gym sessions and less protein-charged meal. And yes, I only had 5-6 hours of sleep in average, pretty much violating my 8-hour sleep policy. I worked my ass off, smartly, and I managed to finish things on time. And that's good, you know, cuz I was very worried about how the crit was gonna be like, cuz it's my first studio crit ever. And it was good.
I was supposed to present it to a panel of two lecturers who were Ms Shereen and Ms Sarah(?) from Sunway UC. The problem was when I presented it, I could only present it to Ms Sarah(?), for Ms Shereen had to go for a while earlier for a meeting and still hadn't showed up. I was a bit.. devastated. I love love Ms Shereen, the way she thinks, her taste, and all, and it made me high to know that Ms Shereen was gonna crit me. But I still did present it to the one lecturer, and she's also very brilliant and tasteful and thoughtful but still, it's not Ms Shereen!
After a while, when my group finished presenting, Ms Shereen came back and she crit the presentation boards without us presenting again, based only on the board and brief Ms Sarah(?)'s explanation. I was thinking, can I present again to her? It sounds so kiasu and all, but really, what I really wanted was to present it to Ms Shereen, wanting to know her thoughts on my work. So I came up to her when she was critting the boards and asked if she would want to have me present it to her again. She answered me yes, if I wanted to.
=') Finally.
So I did. I did present it to her all over again, and she gave me comments, and I think she's just brilliant and she assessed it very well. She pointed out my mistake here and there and I was like yeah why didn't I ever think of that? Oh that was so fulfilling, having her as the one who crit me.
What was so memorable was when she said that sentence..
'I expect no less than this, or else, I'll fail you big time..' -Ms Shereen.
It pays everything off. Really.
One-week intense hardwork pays off. I'm so glad it does.
So, before I put up the picture of my so-called lightroom presentation board, I really want to thank people, for this wonderful semester.
I thank God, for giving me the chance to breathe every single day and the power to do all these things. I thank Muw, for supporting me all through the weeks I've been in, for comforting and calming me down whenever I got panic attack. I thank the Lecturers for my studio, especially Ms Fazween, for being there and making me think more than ever. I thank all my friends here, Linda, Novi, Marco, Andry, for being there and sharing the same hell we got through, and for all the laughs we had during the process, keeping me sane all the time. I thank all my college friends for the moments during class and everything.
I thank all the tools I've been working with: my beloved Acer notebook, which is ALWAYS there for me; my HP Printer which never failed my trust; my Lumix for capturing every single moment I was passing through; and everything that helped me during the process.
It's been a very good semester, honestly. A good ride, a good journey. Better than previous ones, absolutely. I'm happier, I'm with great people, I'm in a new place, and everything is just.. great. Thanks, thanks, thanks.
So, it's a wrap, people!
Now, it's time to wait for my result to come out, and surely by that time, I'll have been home. I'm going home in 3 days. I just remember, I really need to buy a lot of things, pack my suitcase, and settle some things that are left unsettled.
I'll blog again before I go home.
Save me from myself, you can..
And it's you and no one else..
If I could wish upon tomorrow,
Tonight would never end..
If you asked me, I would follow..
But for now, I just pretend..
'Cause if anyone can make me fall in love, You can..
Have a nice day.
I managed to have finished everything I needed to finish for this sem. 3 Exam papers: Construction, Services, and History. 1 final assignment: 3Ds max. 1 final studio presentation.
Everything went well, and I'm still very thankful for that.
To me, the major cases of this end of semester is History and Studio. History is quite obvious, since I managed to (almost) fail my 3 quizzes, and I'm not really good at memorizing things since like kindergarten. But what I did was I just put extra effort since days before and found some new ways to actually remember all the years and architects and buildings and floor plans. The paper turned out to be quite okay. I'm optimistic about the result.
Studio. Okay, I'm pretty equipped with brain, taste, and logic for this case, and everything went fairly well until I had to prepare for the final presentation. I'm not good at not challenging myself, and here comes the trouble. Being very attention-whore and kiasu and wanting to be different from others, I came up with like a thousand of ideas of how I'm gonna present it, being very tasteful and well-equipped. This is my first studio, and I don't ever want to regret it later. That's the thing. I was lost in preparing that for almost a week, and you know, this kind of thing just doesn't work if you don't test it out, and it took up a hell lot of time out of me.
Things turned out quite good. Yes, I only had 2 gym sessions and less protein-charged meal. And yes, I only had 5-6 hours of sleep in average, pretty much violating my 8-hour sleep policy. I worked my ass off, smartly, and I managed to finish things on time. And that's good, you know, cuz I was very worried about how the crit was gonna be like, cuz it's my first studio crit ever. And it was good.
I was supposed to present it to a panel of two lecturers who were Ms Shereen and Ms Sarah(?) from Sunway UC. The problem was when I presented it, I could only present it to Ms Sarah(?), for Ms Shereen had to go for a while earlier for a meeting and still hadn't showed up. I was a bit.. devastated. I love love Ms Shereen, the way she thinks, her taste, and all, and it made me high to know that Ms Shereen was gonna crit me. But I still did present it to the one lecturer, and she's also very brilliant and tasteful and thoughtful but still, it's not Ms Shereen!
After a while, when my group finished presenting, Ms Shereen came back and she crit the presentation boards without us presenting again, based only on the board and brief Ms Sarah(?)'s explanation. I was thinking, can I present again to her? It sounds so kiasu and all, but really, what I really wanted was to present it to Ms Shereen, wanting to know her thoughts on my work. So I came up to her when she was critting the boards and asked if she would want to have me present it to her again. She answered me yes, if I wanted to.
=') Finally.
So I did. I did present it to her all over again, and she gave me comments, and I think she's just brilliant and she assessed it very well. She pointed out my mistake here and there and I was like yeah why didn't I ever think of that? Oh that was so fulfilling, having her as the one who crit me.
What was so memorable was when she said that sentence..
'I expect no less than this, or else, I'll fail you big time..' -Ms Shereen.
It pays everything off. Really.
One-week intense hardwork pays off. I'm so glad it does.
So, before I put up the picture of my so-called lightroom presentation board, I really want to thank people, for this wonderful semester.
I thank God, for giving me the chance to breathe every single day and the power to do all these things. I thank Muw, for supporting me all through the weeks I've been in, for comforting and calming me down whenever I got panic attack. I thank the Lecturers for my studio, especially Ms Fazween, for being there and making me think more than ever. I thank all my friends here, Linda, Novi, Marco, Andry, for being there and sharing the same hell we got through, and for all the laughs we had during the process, keeping me sane all the time. I thank all my college friends for the moments during class and everything.
I thank all the tools I've been working with: my beloved Acer notebook, which is ALWAYS there for me; my HP Printer which never failed my trust; my Lumix for capturing every single moment I was passing through; and everything that helped me during the process.
It's been a very good semester, honestly. A good ride, a good journey. Better than previous ones, absolutely. I'm happier, I'm with great people, I'm in a new place, and everything is just.. great. Thanks, thanks, thanks.
So, it's a wrap, people!
Now, it's time to wait for my result to come out, and surely by that time, I'll have been home. I'm going home in 3 days. I just remember, I really need to buy a lot of things, pack my suitcase, and settle some things that are left unsettled.
I'll blog again before I go home.
Save me from myself, you can..
And it's you and no one else..
If I could wish upon tomorrow,
Tonight would never end..
If you asked me, I would follow..
But for now, I just pretend..
'Cause if anyone can make me fall in love, You can..
Have a nice day.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
almost 6 months
I know some have fallen on stony ground.
But you know, love is all around.
Love is all around.
But you know, love is all around.
Love is all around.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Jl. Pembangunan III/1A
I want to go back to Junior and Senior High School again. I miss everything that ever happened. I miss Jakarta.
Monday, November 10, 2008
if
If I get a large sum of money next week, I will give it to Mom and Dad so they can travel around the world, enjoying life, something they should have started to be doing, all this time.
If.
If.
along the road
Hi again.
Reading Dee's and Marcell's blog always gives me a sense of fulfillment. A pure gratitude and relief to know that at least there are 2 humans in this world that understand, or try to understand their existence. And during their neverending process of understanding, I choose to learn from them, from the messages and thoughts they compile each and every day.
I believe that every one of us has the capacity, ability and will to actually think, to understand our existence in this world. Unfortunately, somehow this will is distorted, compensated, put down by whatever notion we are clinging to. Religion. Fun-ness of life. Fear. Shame.
People consider this too heavy to talk about. People think that this isn't needed, we believe in God. People think that it's just too scary. People think that it's so nerdy, it's so uncool. It's not fun. People think that they are still in the morning of life, it's too early, thinking that they still have so much time in life.
Do you think that way?
Or, isn't it just that we don't get to meet people with the same will, same intention, so that we bury it so deep, choosing to not try to think or talk about our existence?
I did. I find it so hard to find people who actually talk about things, things like this, things I need to share without being compensated at all, things about 'our existence'. But sometimes I'd still do it, and I got scared all the time. But that's before I read Dee's books, Marcell's blog. It gives me a sense of security, just to know that I'm not alone in this, some people are trying to figure it out too.
I changed.
Part of the cause is that I think, therefore I find new things, new answers to old questions, better answers. I change because I know I have to change. It's been good. The sad part is, almost no one is there to share, to actually grow with me, to find new things together, and change together.
Let's talk about things. Things that we did the wrong way, things we should do better, things in life that is basic, so basic that we thought it was too uncool to be talked about. Let's chat, about life. I would do it, but I hope, you start doing it too. You'll change a lot, because by taking one step forward in the road of understanding things, you'll find a lot of new things. Don't be afraid. I'm coming along with you, and others will join us too.
Let's figure it out together.
Have a nice day.
Reading Dee's and Marcell's blog always gives me a sense of fulfillment. A pure gratitude and relief to know that at least there are 2 humans in this world that understand, or try to understand their existence. And during their neverending process of understanding, I choose to learn from them, from the messages and thoughts they compile each and every day.
I believe that every one of us has the capacity, ability and will to actually think, to understand our existence in this world. Unfortunately, somehow this will is distorted, compensated, put down by whatever notion we are clinging to. Religion. Fun-ness of life. Fear. Shame.
People consider this too heavy to talk about. People think that this isn't needed, we believe in God. People think that it's just too scary. People think that it's so nerdy, it's so uncool. It's not fun. People think that they are still in the morning of life, it's too early, thinking that they still have so much time in life.
Do you think that way?
Or, isn't it just that we don't get to meet people with the same will, same intention, so that we bury it so deep, choosing to not try to think or talk about our existence?
I did. I find it so hard to find people who actually talk about things, things like this, things I need to share without being compensated at all, things about 'our existence'. But sometimes I'd still do it, and I got scared all the time. But that's before I read Dee's books, Marcell's blog. It gives me a sense of security, just to know that I'm not alone in this, some people are trying to figure it out too.
I changed.
Part of the cause is that I think, therefore I find new things, new answers to old questions, better answers. I change because I know I have to change. It's been good. The sad part is, almost no one is there to share, to actually grow with me, to find new things together, and change together.
Let's talk about things. Things that we did the wrong way, things we should do better, things in life that is basic, so basic that we thought it was too uncool to be talked about. Let's chat, about life. I would do it, but I hope, you start doing it too. You'll change a lot, because by taking one step forward in the road of understanding things, you'll find a lot of new things. Don't be afraid. I'm coming along with you, and others will join us too.
Let's figure it out together.
Have a nice day.
Supernova
Good morning, world.
I find my apartment very windy, this morning. Well that's rare. With a blowing wind like this, I expect severe amount of clouds by 1 oclock, and heavy rain by 5 oclock. I hope it will happen.
Lesson of the morning: Do not bite an apple without looking the part you want to bite. You might swallow a part you don't wanna swallow, and by the time you realise it, it's stuck in your throat already.
Have a very good day, everyone.
I find my apartment very windy, this morning. Well that's rare. With a blowing wind like this, I expect severe amount of clouds by 1 oclock, and heavy rain by 5 oclock. I hope it will happen.
Lesson of the morning: Do not bite an apple without looking the part you want to bite. You might swallow a part you don't wanna swallow, and by the time you realise it, it's stuck in your throat already.
Have a very good day, everyone.
Sunday, November 09, 2008
you and me
It's seven o clock and I’m on my way..
Eating the miles down this highway..
Say that you’ll wait for me..
To light up the Christmas tree..
Tell you the first thing that I'm gonna do..
Holding and squeezing and kissing you
under the mistletoe..
I’ve been missing you so..
This is the first holiday we’ll spend every night
I pray that it never ends..
Feels like meant to be
when I have you next to me..
Can’t wait to have you to myself..
Cuz I need you and no one else..
There’s no place in this world I’d rather be..
You’re the only present that I need..
The perfect combination is christmas, you, and me.
Christmas, you, and me..
Brian McKnight - Christmas You and Me
I can't wait for Christmas to come.
Enough said.
Nite, everyone.
Eating the miles down this highway..
Say that you’ll wait for me..
To light up the Christmas tree..
Tell you the first thing that I'm gonna do..
Holding and squeezing and kissing you
under the mistletoe..
I’ve been missing you so..
This is the first holiday we’ll spend every night
I pray that it never ends..
Feels like meant to be
when I have you next to me..
Can’t wait to have you to myself..
Cuz I need you and no one else..
There’s no place in this world I’d rather be..
You’re the only present that I need..
The perfect combination is christmas, you, and me.
Christmas, you, and me..
Brian McKnight - Christmas You and Me
I can't wait for Christmas to come.
Enough said.
Nite, everyone.
Friday, November 07, 2008
lessons
Lesson 1: Do not ever smack a plastic container that just came out from the freezer to any place, edge, or surface. The container will break and or crack.
Lesson 2: Do not ever lose keys. The psychological effect does more than anything else.
From now, instead of waiting for appropriate mood to write things out here, I will post short notes about lessons of the day. The ones I learn by myself. It usually means, the result or consequences have done something to me. Therefore, I'd take it as a lesson for myself, and for you all to share. Little things.
Anw.
Next week will be the announcement of another logo competition that I joined. I keep my fingers crossed. Far from hope, but I don't know, I hope it will be the day when things come around, again, after a very long while.
Finally it's only 1 month until I leave PJ again, and head home. I kinda love it this time here, compared to last semester. Things are just better. I have my own room, I manage to go for my gym sessions, I start cooking dinner, I live a quite healthy life (or at least better) and everything is just nice.
Well. Tonight, after a while, I finally can actually read magazines, and say hello to a worry-free weekend, unlike the past few weeks.
Better. Things are better.
Thanks, everyone!
Lesson 2: Do not ever lose keys. The psychological effect does more than anything else.
From now, instead of waiting for appropriate mood to write things out here, I will post short notes about lessons of the day. The ones I learn by myself. It usually means, the result or consequences have done something to me. Therefore, I'd take it as a lesson for myself, and for you all to share. Little things.
Anw.
Next week will be the announcement of another logo competition that I joined. I keep my fingers crossed. Far from hope, but I don't know, I hope it will be the day when things come around, again, after a very long while.
Finally it's only 1 month until I leave PJ again, and head home. I kinda love it this time here, compared to last semester. Things are just better. I have my own room, I manage to go for my gym sessions, I start cooking dinner, I live a quite healthy life (or at least better) and everything is just nice.
Well. Tonight, after a while, I finally can actually read magazines, and say hello to a worry-free weekend, unlike the past few weeks.
Better. Things are better.
Thanks, everyone!
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
4
Hi.
I just came back from college. Been many times of me going back and forth, from apartment to college, these 2-3 days. Not that it's far or anything, it's just next door, but you know, somehow you think it's too much.
Thank God, yesterday and today, rain has been all over my place. The air becomes more breathable, it's just very refreshing. Not only that, also when I'm sleeping at night. Sleeping without aircon becomes somehow enjoyable. Very.
Back to now.
I just did another Architecture History quiz. I've done 2 before. The first one, I studied everything seriously, was very much confident with myself. Mark that I got? 4/8.
The second one, which was 2 weeks after the first one, I didn't really study, coz i didn't see that one coming. I thought one quiz is enough. Yeah I was definitely dreaming. This one, with me studying only for one hour, I thought let's give this a good shot, maybe I'm lucky so that I can get a good mark. Result? 4/9.
The third one, which was like one hour ago, I just knew that it's on early this morning. But I managed to study quite extensively. Though, I didn't put too much hope in this, realizing that I got 2 bad marks before and I felt like ready for anything.
Mark? 4/10.
HA. See. I don't know if this is a joke or anything. I studied and I understood the lectures, and I'm very interested in knowing as much as I can, which made me want to study even more. Yeah. But all I got is the number 4. I literally don't know what to do. Well, nothing, since this is the last quiz anyway. Studying is not good, not studying is also not good. Well, I'll definitely study as hard as I can. But it's just, your hope is crushed, and you become somehow powerless. Hopeless.
Or is it just me not getting along with the word 'history'?
I don't know. 4. I don't want to get 4 no more. TT
ANYWAY. 4 is the number for today.
Congratulations, Mr Obama for being elected as 44th President of US.
=D
Have a nice eve, everyone.
I just came back from college. Been many times of me going back and forth, from apartment to college, these 2-3 days. Not that it's far or anything, it's just next door, but you know, somehow you think it's too much.
Thank God, yesterday and today, rain has been all over my place. The air becomes more breathable, it's just very refreshing. Not only that, also when I'm sleeping at night. Sleeping without aircon becomes somehow enjoyable. Very.
Back to now.
I just did another Architecture History quiz. I've done 2 before. The first one, I studied everything seriously, was very much confident with myself. Mark that I got? 4/8.
The second one, which was 2 weeks after the first one, I didn't really study, coz i didn't see that one coming. I thought one quiz is enough. Yeah I was definitely dreaming. This one, with me studying only for one hour, I thought let's give this a good shot, maybe I'm lucky so that I can get a good mark. Result? 4/9.
The third one, which was like one hour ago, I just knew that it's on early this morning. But I managed to study quite extensively. Though, I didn't put too much hope in this, realizing that I got 2 bad marks before and I felt like ready for anything.
Mark? 4/10.
HA. See. I don't know if this is a joke or anything. I studied and I understood the lectures, and I'm very interested in knowing as much as I can, which made me want to study even more. Yeah. But all I got is the number 4. I literally don't know what to do. Well, nothing, since this is the last quiz anyway. Studying is not good, not studying is also not good. Well, I'll definitely study as hard as I can. But it's just, your hope is crushed, and you become somehow powerless. Hopeless.
Or is it just me not getting along with the word 'history'?
I don't know. 4. I don't want to get 4 no more. TT
ANYWAY. 4 is the number for today.
Congratulations, Mr Obama for being elected as 44th President of US.
=D
Have a nice eve, everyone.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
daniel powter
At this point of time, I really want to bookmark my life. Should we call it 'lifemark'? Okay. Maybe not. But you get my point.
These days, I'm doing my job as an architecture student quite well. Assignments. Frustrating assignments. Limited sleep time. Limited gym session. Less fun. But I manage to go through everything. And it is good to have it that way. Exams are coming in 2 weeks time, and the final presentation is after exam week. Let's call it doomsday. I better start preparing.
These days, I feel like a complete person. Muw. Very good friends around me. Very good friends in another island not very far from here, or very far from here.
And the most recent news is that when an e-mail says that my logo design for Singapore 2010 Youth Olympic Games is shortlisted. I can't thank God enough for this. You know what I haven't ever won a thing in design. And I've done like a hundred of designs. But right now, winning is a bonus. Being shortlisted, is the ultimate gift which I be greatly thankful of.
Someday, later in my life, I want to read this post again and remember how good the days were.
I miss everyone.
I miss my family.
=')
These are additional things that find me comfort at those hard times: heartwarming random blogs. funny blogs. rain. random chat with strangers. a very wonderful morning. a wonderful afternoon. gym sessions. the images of jakarta. good songs.
Thanks, God.
Have a nice eve, you.
These days, I'm doing my job as an architecture student quite well. Assignments. Frustrating assignments. Limited sleep time. Limited gym session. Less fun. But I manage to go through everything. And it is good to have it that way. Exams are coming in 2 weeks time, and the final presentation is after exam week. Let's call it doomsday. I better start preparing.
These days, I feel like a complete person. Muw. Very good friends around me. Very good friends in another island not very far from here, or very far from here.
And the most recent news is that when an e-mail says that my logo design for Singapore 2010 Youth Olympic Games is shortlisted. I can't thank God enough for this. You know what I haven't ever won a thing in design. And I've done like a hundred of designs. But right now, winning is a bonus. Being shortlisted, is the ultimate gift which I be greatly thankful of.
Someday, later in my life, I want to read this post again and remember how good the days were.
I miss everyone.
I miss my family.
=')
These are additional things that find me comfort at those hard times: heartwarming random blogs. funny blogs. rain. random chat with strangers. a very wonderful morning. a wonderful afternoon. gym sessions. the images of jakarta. good songs.
Thanks, God.
Have a nice eve, you.
Friday, October 03, 2008
Laskar Pelangi
Saya baru nonton film ini tadi siang, sendirian, setelah menahan selama berhari2 karna ga ada yang bisa diajak nonton. Saya mulai nonton ini dengan tingkat ekspektasi yang seubun-ubun tingginya. Saya belum baca novelnya, hanya karna saya ga suka kertas novelnya, yang makai kertas koran. Tapi itu ga menghempas kepercayaan saya terhadap cerita ini, cerita tentang Laskar Pelangi.
Saya duduk. Film mulai.
Saya mulai gak kuasa menahan haru.
=']
Ini cerita hebat. Film hebat. Pesan hebat.
Kalau ada satu hari lagi saya bisa di Jakarta, saya akan nonton lagi.
Mimpi. Adalah kunci. Untuk kita. Menaklukan dunia.
Berlarilah. Tanpa lelah. Sampai engkau. Meraihnya.
Laskar Pelangi. Takkan terikat waktu.
Bebaskan mimpimu di angkasa.
Warnai bintang di jiwa.
Menarilah dan terus tertawa.
Walau dunia tak seindah surga.
Bersyukurlah pada yang kuasa.
Cinta kita di dunia.
Selamanya.
Tiba2 saya sadar. Sering saya mengkhawatirkan keterbatasan. Gak punya ini, gak punya itu. Jadi alasan, saya gak mampu berbuat ini, berbuat itu. Dari film ini, saya sadar, keterbatasan itu omong kosong. Punya otak, punya hati, punya cita2.. pasti bisa. Mereka bisa. Saya gak boleh cuma menggerutu dan mengeluh, saya harus percaya dan bisa.
Menarilah dan terus tertawa.
Walau dunia tak seindah surga.
Saya harus lebih positif, lebih melihat kedepan tanpa risau hal2 kecil.
Gak boleh khawatir. Tapi percaya dan berbuat yang terbaik.
Terima kasih telah menjadi pesan.
Terima kasih telah mengingatkan.
Jakarta memang indah. Saya hanyut. Kadang tenggelam.
Tapi, di setiap tempat, di mana pun saya berada dan tinggal, pasti sama indahnya. Indah yang berbeda, yang gak mungkin dilupa. Indah yang ada, itu pasti, saya tak perlu cari, saya tak perlu percaya, karna memang itu ada.
Saya hanya harus mulai membuka mata.
=]
Friday, September 19, 2008
the song
Hi, it's me. After a long long while, I see.
There's this song, that ever came into my life, like 2 years ago. The song is sweet. Supersweet. It came at the right time, and it was introduced by someone. At that moment, everything that came along with this song seemed so beautiful. But then after that, there were 2 years full of things that made me forget the song, and somehow I know, that's just what was needed to happen.
But tonight. Thanks to the evening of self-contemplation over my day, this song suddenly popped out of nowhere. It started playing, as I was whistling the melody and trying to recall the title, the lyrics, and what it brought along. That's the moment when I feel that.. I healed already. And this song doesn't do anything but good to me, to actually celebrate my growing up over the last 2-3 years.
Let's give it up to.. Miss Norah Jones.
It's not the pale moon
that excites me
that thrills and delights me
Oh no, it's just the nearness of you..
It isn't your sweet conversation
that brings this sensation
Oh no, it's just the nearness of you..
When you're in my arms
and i feel you so close to me
All my wildest dreams came true..
I need no soft lights to enchant me
If you'll only grant me
the right to hold you ever so tight
and to feel in the night
..the nearness of you.
There's this song, that ever came into my life, like 2 years ago. The song is sweet. Supersweet. It came at the right time, and it was introduced by someone. At that moment, everything that came along with this song seemed so beautiful. But then after that, there were 2 years full of things that made me forget the song, and somehow I know, that's just what was needed to happen.
But tonight. Thanks to the evening of self-contemplation over my day, this song suddenly popped out of nowhere. It started playing, as I was whistling the melody and trying to recall the title, the lyrics, and what it brought along. That's the moment when I feel that.. I healed already. And this song doesn't do anything but good to me, to actually celebrate my growing up over the last 2-3 years.
Let's give it up to.. Miss Norah Jones.
It's not the pale moon
that excites me
that thrills and delights me
Oh no, it's just the nearness of you..
It isn't your sweet conversation
that brings this sensation
Oh no, it's just the nearness of you..
When you're in my arms
and i feel you so close to me
All my wildest dreams came true..
I need no soft lights to enchant me
If you'll only grant me
the right to hold you ever so tight
and to feel in the night
..the nearness of you.
Monday, September 01, 2008
a gifted kid
Andrew: 'I've been bullied all my life since I was six.. My mates have been telling me to leave it.. said they don't like that kind of music..'
Simon Cowell: 'How'd you deal with that?'
Andrew: 'I carry on singing..'
It gets to me every time I watch and re-watch it. He's gifted and maybe too gifted, that people don't like him. Well that's the world we live in. You can tell him to face it, and he's facing it, with scars you can't see. He inspires me.
He inspires me, really.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
the town
How is it like in Jakarta at this very moment, right at this very now?
How is it like in Bundaran HI? Is the Tugu Selamat Datang's fountain showing up? Are there a lot of cars going both ways? Are the lights amazing? Is it cloudy, is it clear? Is the wind breezing, or is it blowing hard?
How is it in Senayan? Is there any tempting scent from cups of cold coffee from the coffeshops? Are there a lot of Jakarta socialite waiting for midnight? Is the 21 crowded?
How about Kota? Is it full, is it empty? Could I see the familiar scene of porridge shops, busway lanes, hawker stalls? Is the smell still the same?
How is it like in Menteng? Is there still a room for cars to pass by the busy streets, filled with the supper people, enjoying the talk over some fancy bistro foods, accompanied by jazz bands playing Buble's song, in one of the mushrooming fancy cafes and restaurants?
How is it like in S Parman, between the towers of skyscrapers, speeding cars in the highway? Are there a lot of cars going out from TA? How crowded is it in Bundaran Semanggi? Could I see fancy cars going in as well as workers waiting for buses to go home? Could I overlook the peaking Pacific Place? Is BEJ still charming at this round of time?
I'm walking down the street of Thamrin, passing by the Djakarta Theatre with its town hype over the evening, EX with loads of cars queueing to go in, taking a deep breath while my eyes couldn't help running through the town, stripping it naked.
It's amazing to know how far your mind could take you.
How is it like in Bundaran HI? Is the Tugu Selamat Datang's fountain showing up? Are there a lot of cars going both ways? Are the lights amazing? Is it cloudy, is it clear? Is the wind breezing, or is it blowing hard?
How is it in Senayan? Is there any tempting scent from cups of cold coffee from the coffeshops? Are there a lot of Jakarta socialite waiting for midnight? Is the 21 crowded?
How about Kota? Is it full, is it empty? Could I see the familiar scene of porridge shops, busway lanes, hawker stalls? Is the smell still the same?
How is it like in Menteng? Is there still a room for cars to pass by the busy streets, filled with the supper people, enjoying the talk over some fancy bistro foods, accompanied by jazz bands playing Buble's song, in one of the mushrooming fancy cafes and restaurants?
How is it like in S Parman, between the towers of skyscrapers, speeding cars in the highway? Are there a lot of cars going out from TA? How crowded is it in Bundaran Semanggi? Could I see fancy cars going in as well as workers waiting for buses to go home? Could I overlook the peaking Pacific Place? Is BEJ still charming at this round of time?
I'm walking down the street of Thamrin, passing by the Djakarta Theatre with its town hype over the evening, EX with loads of cars queueing to go in, taking a deep breath while my eyes couldn't help running through the town, stripping it naked.
It's amazing to know how far your mind could take you.
Monday, August 18, 2008
what studio teaches us
'If you have to try so hard, then something must be wrong..'
Ms Fazween, Design Studio Lecturer.
It was when one of the groups was facing the crits by 3 lecturers, something on the work was pointed out not right, not properly done, wrong. The sentence came up, she said that, and for a second there I was kinda stopped, stunned. Stunned. Shocked. Surprised. Quizzed.
It made me think. Over, and over again. I then reflected.
'If you have to try so hard, then something must be wrong..'
It's genuinely true. True. Isn't it true, isn't it crystal clear? Isn't it something that we always forget, when we push something hard, too hard, for way too long, thinking that it may work, it might work someday, that when it works, all the effort will pay off dearly? We push, and push, and believe in it, and sometimes even when we have to pay it with pain, we snobbishly think that our resistance is what we are proud of, even when we say it with tears, a broken soul, and invisible blood of scars all over ourselves?
'If you have to try so hard, then something must be wrong..'
We forget. I forgot. We always do.
That some things are just not meant to be, not when we are excusing ourselves all this time with an imaginary vision of its working, while we are bleeding all over the place, still trying to put a smile on our faces, proudly calling it faith. Something must be wrong.
Boy she is right.
Ms Fazween, Design Studio Lecturer.
It was when one of the groups was facing the crits by 3 lecturers, something on the work was pointed out not right, not properly done, wrong. The sentence came up, she said that, and for a second there I was kinda stopped, stunned. Stunned. Shocked. Surprised. Quizzed.
It made me think. Over, and over again. I then reflected.
'If you have to try so hard, then something must be wrong..'
It's genuinely true. True. Isn't it true, isn't it crystal clear? Isn't it something that we always forget, when we push something hard, too hard, for way too long, thinking that it may work, it might work someday, that when it works, all the effort will pay off dearly? We push, and push, and believe in it, and sometimes even when we have to pay it with pain, we snobbishly think that our resistance is what we are proud of, even when we say it with tears, a broken soul, and invisible blood of scars all over ourselves?
'If you have to try so hard, then something must be wrong..'
We forget. I forgot. We always do.
That some things are just not meant to be, not when we are excusing ourselves all this time with an imaginary vision of its working, while we are bleeding all over the place, still trying to put a smile on our faces, proudly calling it faith. Something must be wrong.
Boy she is right.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Friday, August 15, 2008
Fridays
I find Fridays weird.
This particular and personal opinion towards Fridays has grown since I was a child. My Fridays were full of things, lessons, courses, and after I finished everything that I had to do, I was free. My Fridays during junior and senior high school are quite the same. My Fridays were long, as during junior high school I always have scouting thingy afterschool on Fridays, and the last years of it were filled with meetings and practicing things for events. In senior high school, my Fridays were filled with 2 lessons after school, and it's only finished like at 8-9 pm.
My Fridays in college is more or less the same. Last year, I had a design communication class until 5, and the other semester I had AutoCAD until 12. Now? Now I have nothing but groupwork on Fridays.
For me, Fridays are the mix of fatigue, early weekend feel, long afternoon and short evening, as well as this sensation of a weird feeling attached to it. For me, Fridays are the end, and also the start. Fridays are the moment when you feel like you can do anything you want and still be excused to think nothing about tommorow.
I find that weird.
It's a good weird. Romantically weird.
Right now I'm imagining a friday when I can spend my afternoon in somewhere busy, somewhere packed with a lot of people coming back from work, while I'm strolling down the street with Muw, or inside a car heading somewhere romantic for dinner while getting stuck in the traffic, listening to a silly conversation from the radio, talking about things we don't have time to talk about, and agreeing that Fridays are good-weird.
Fridays are the days where you think of romantic things and hope you can have it sometime soon, when you think that you could spend the entire evening harmlessly and pointlessly because you think you still have the whole saturday tomorrow, when I want to get myself to sleep with eyes open, not wanting it to end.
Well, it's Friday today. I want to be home, but at the same time, I want to be somewhere crowded, but at the same time I just want to sleep and pray for another Friday to come quickly, a Friday when I am not alone.
I want Muw.
Happy weekend, people.
This particular and personal opinion towards Fridays has grown since I was a child. My Fridays were full of things, lessons, courses, and after I finished everything that I had to do, I was free. My Fridays during junior and senior high school are quite the same. My Fridays were long, as during junior high school I always have scouting thingy afterschool on Fridays, and the last years of it were filled with meetings and practicing things for events. In senior high school, my Fridays were filled with 2 lessons after school, and it's only finished like at 8-9 pm.
My Fridays in college is more or less the same. Last year, I had a design communication class until 5, and the other semester I had AutoCAD until 12. Now? Now I have nothing but groupwork on Fridays.
For me, Fridays are the mix of fatigue, early weekend feel, long afternoon and short evening, as well as this sensation of a weird feeling attached to it. For me, Fridays are the end, and also the start. Fridays are the moment when you feel like you can do anything you want and still be excused to think nothing about tommorow.
I find that weird.
It's a good weird. Romantically weird.
Right now I'm imagining a friday when I can spend my afternoon in somewhere busy, somewhere packed with a lot of people coming back from work, while I'm strolling down the street with Muw, or inside a car heading somewhere romantic for dinner while getting stuck in the traffic, listening to a silly conversation from the radio, talking about things we don't have time to talk about, and agreeing that Fridays are good-weird.
Fridays are the days where you think of romantic things and hope you can have it sometime soon, when you think that you could spend the entire evening harmlessly and pointlessly because you think you still have the whole saturday tomorrow, when I want to get myself to sleep with eyes open, not wanting it to end.
Well, it's Friday today. I want to be home, but at the same time, I want to be somewhere crowded, but at the same time I just want to sleep and pray for another Friday to come quickly, a Friday when I am not alone.
I want Muw.
Happy weekend, people.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
after all I've been through
I don't know why, I don't know why. It's been 3 weeks, it's been a very good life here, everything I would have hoped for. I know, there is no reason to complain, but you know, i thought this happened only on my first few days back here, but yeah, shit, it lingers on until now.
The pictures, the moments, the unpleasantly-longer-than-ever seconds, they are flashing unstoppably in my mind, day and night. The day, that day, the last day before I went back here. Are they real? It's not me, it's not me controlling, my mind just recalls those moments. I don't really see faces, tho, it is more like the overall pictures and a very specified feeling attached to it. A lot of times, a word triggers it. I heard a word, then my mind was already parked at the particular moment, while this rush, the emo is rushing in my blood.
I don't know what this is. I don't miss it, I don't, I hope I don't. Am I traumatized? Or is this an unresolved issue? Will I get over it someday? Can someday be today, tonight? What if it stays forever?
Those words, please stop banging my head with unpleasant details of the last day in Jakarta, with everything I love and hate at the same time, everyone I would kiss and I would kill, please detach yourself from those songs, those places, those afternoon I once loved, please, you'd make me hate them all, you'd make me someone I don't wanna be.
I want to be able to picture myself coming back to Jakarta, later this Nov, with a happy self, a fully contented self, welcoming the days ahead. I can't do this now. I can't do this now. I hope I can, at that day. I hope I have fully recovered from whatever I'm having now. I know I'll be fine, I know.
My logical self overpowers me, I'm fine, I should be fine, but I don't know if I am.
I can't tell.
are the details in the fabric,
are the things that make you panic,
are the things that make you blow,
hell, no reason, go on and scream,
If you're shocked it's just the fault
of faulty manufacturing..
everything will be fine,
everything, in no time at all..
Jason Mraz - Details in the Fabric
The pictures, the moments, the unpleasantly-longer-than-ever seconds, they are flashing unstoppably in my mind, day and night. The day, that day, the last day before I went back here. Are they real? It's not me, it's not me controlling, my mind just recalls those moments. I don't really see faces, tho, it is more like the overall pictures and a very specified feeling attached to it. A lot of times, a word triggers it. I heard a word, then my mind was already parked at the particular moment, while this rush, the emo is rushing in my blood.
I don't know what this is. I don't miss it, I don't, I hope I don't. Am I traumatized? Or is this an unresolved issue? Will I get over it someday? Can someday be today, tonight? What if it stays forever?
Those words, please stop banging my head with unpleasant details of the last day in Jakarta, with everything I love and hate at the same time, everyone I would kiss and I would kill, please detach yourself from those songs, those places, those afternoon I once loved, please, you'd make me hate them all, you'd make me someone I don't wanna be.
I want to be able to picture myself coming back to Jakarta, later this Nov, with a happy self, a fully contented self, welcoming the days ahead. I can't do this now. I can't do this now. I hope I can, at that day. I hope I have fully recovered from whatever I'm having now. I know I'll be fine, I know.
My logical self overpowers me, I'm fine, I should be fine, but I don't know if I am.
I can't tell.
are the details in the fabric,
are the things that make you panic,
are the things that make you blow,
hell, no reason, go on and scream,
If you're shocked it's just the fault
of faulty manufacturing..
everything will be fine,
everything, in no time at all..
Jason Mraz - Details in the Fabric
Sunday, August 10, 2008
funny God
I was walking on one side of the road from church, attending the mass and listening to several readings about God, His presence, His helping hands, and stuff like that. The sky was cloudy, it was still in the morning, around 9.30 am. The breeze was a bit cold, and I was walking alone.
I was trying to think about things in my chest that bugged me when I was in the church. I remembered that I felt something in my chest that still had not come off from its place after a long long while, something from the past that sometimes still resurfaces.
The two minds clashed when suddenly I dared ask God. I said it silently. God, you'll help me through this, I know you will, you do, but please, strengthen me right now, pour me some rain. Pour me some rain.
It was only a couple of minutes after that when a drop of rain fell on the tip of my nose.
=]
Thanks, God.
This post also goes to Jon who witnessed God in his own way. You can find his post in the links I put in the sidebar. Happy weekend, everyone.
I was trying to think about things in my chest that bugged me when I was in the church. I remembered that I felt something in my chest that still had not come off from its place after a long long while, something from the past that sometimes still resurfaces.
The two minds clashed when suddenly I dared ask God. I said it silently. God, you'll help me through this, I know you will, you do, but please, strengthen me right now, pour me some rain. Pour me some rain.
It was only a couple of minutes after that when a drop of rain fell on the tip of my nose.
=]
Thanks, God.
This post also goes to Jon who witnessed God in his own way. You can find his post in the links I put in the sidebar. Happy weekend, everyone.
Thursday, August 07, 2008
new life
When I was in Jakarta, it was so hard for me to leave. I knew, I knew that it was gonna be okay. I, will be okay in the end. But you know, going thru that phase, it was not easy. I was in Jakarta for two and a half months, there were some things you had taken for granted on those days, and I got used to that. Got used to the comfort of being home, and got used to the pain.
I was in pain when I got back here, again. Not an easy evening, that night before I left. Seconds were going like a lot slower than usual. Funny, I knew I was in pain, but still, I was thinking that I was gonna miss all of those. Getting emotional, several feelings were mixed up with pain, but before I knew it, I was in PJ, again.
Talking thru this, why in the world was I thinking that I was gonna miss the pain? Oh, fuck myself. Stupid.
It's so nice to be back here again. I love my friends, well this part is new, since I didn't (towards some), but it's gonna be a long long story to get it told completely, and it just doesn't work the other way. I'm loving my small room, I'm loving the fact that I'm here on my own, but being on my own is not without friends. They are all here for me, and that's just nice. I love the part when I wake up and I go to the kitchen and open the blinds, I can see and feel and smell the morning. Sky is not bright yet, but from far, you can see a ray of light, a shining start of day. The view is breathtaking, imagine I'm seeing this from 17th floor: a city with its early morning haze, and the smell is just wonderful. I can even see cars get stuck in the early packed traffic, going downtown, as well as people going to work and college.
As I prepare my breakfast (two scrambled or boiled eggs and a cup of full-cream milk), I can't stop thanking God how I'm blessed with such a beautiful morning, and I get to see this each and every day. But that is not all, I get to do things all at once, preparing breakfast, bathing, washing dishes, and stuff. Soon after that, you'll find me rushing to the lift and walking briskly to the college with a green apple in my hand, and well, that, is special.
That's still not all. I get to prepare lunch on weekends, and dinner also on weekdays. Pretty occupied, I see, but when I am occupied, that's me at my best. I'm being rational, I'm being logical, and I can put aside my emo bit for a second there. I also stick to my beloved daily routine: gym sessions. Too much to describe it here, but you know, every part of my life here is nothing but enjoyable. I know I will still bitch about it here, but I also know that things don't get better than this. Routine, friends, a fresh morning air, and my kind of fun. Packed in one.
As I get through my first weeks back here again, I was and maybe am still in pain, but I realise something. I realise, that those days when I rant about things, that I didn't want things to change, that I was in pain, that I didn't want to go back here again; I simply forgot about things that make me more than alive. I forgot that I was happy, I was happier here, in PJ. I was damn happy. Jakarta? Yeah it was good and all, but the pain part was not cool. I forgot that I could enjoy a simple morning to the fullest, I could have my gym sessions as my kind of fun, I don't have to worry about silly things, and the very fact that I could live. I was alive, back there in Jakarta, but here, I'm more than alive.
All I need to do is to remember things, all the good things that I once forgot, and my being here is nothing but best. Now, I'm doing fine. I'm better than when I was in Jakarta. I'm okay. Thanks for the days, Jakarta. I'm not missing you for now. I hope I won't.
I'm pretty much done.
It's time to live a good life. =D
I was in pain when I got back here, again. Not an easy evening, that night before I left. Seconds were going like a lot slower than usual. Funny, I knew I was in pain, but still, I was thinking that I was gonna miss all of those. Getting emotional, several feelings were mixed up with pain, but before I knew it, I was in PJ, again.
Talking thru this, why in the world was I thinking that I was gonna miss the pain? Oh, fuck myself. Stupid.
It's so nice to be back here again. I love my friends, well this part is new, since I didn't (towards some), but it's gonna be a long long story to get it told completely, and it just doesn't work the other way. I'm loving my small room, I'm loving the fact that I'm here on my own, but being on my own is not without friends. They are all here for me, and that's just nice. I love the part when I wake up and I go to the kitchen and open the blinds, I can see and feel and smell the morning. Sky is not bright yet, but from far, you can see a ray of light, a shining start of day. The view is breathtaking, imagine I'm seeing this from 17th floor: a city with its early morning haze, and the smell is just wonderful. I can even see cars get stuck in the early packed traffic, going downtown, as well as people going to work and college.
As I prepare my breakfast (two scrambled or boiled eggs and a cup of full-cream milk), I can't stop thanking God how I'm blessed with such a beautiful morning, and I get to see this each and every day. But that is not all, I get to do things all at once, preparing breakfast, bathing, washing dishes, and stuff. Soon after that, you'll find me rushing to the lift and walking briskly to the college with a green apple in my hand, and well, that, is special.
That's still not all. I get to prepare lunch on weekends, and dinner also on weekdays. Pretty occupied, I see, but when I am occupied, that's me at my best. I'm being rational, I'm being logical, and I can put aside my emo bit for a second there. I also stick to my beloved daily routine: gym sessions. Too much to describe it here, but you know, every part of my life here is nothing but enjoyable. I know I will still bitch about it here, but I also know that things don't get better than this. Routine, friends, a fresh morning air, and my kind of fun. Packed in one.
As I get through my first weeks back here again, I was and maybe am still in pain, but I realise something. I realise, that those days when I rant about things, that I didn't want things to change, that I was in pain, that I didn't want to go back here again; I simply forgot about things that make me more than alive. I forgot that I was happy, I was happier here, in PJ. I was damn happy. Jakarta? Yeah it was good and all, but the pain part was not cool. I forgot that I could enjoy a simple morning to the fullest, I could have my gym sessions as my kind of fun, I don't have to worry about silly things, and the very fact that I could live. I was alive, back there in Jakarta, but here, I'm more than alive.
All I need to do is to remember things, all the good things that I once forgot, and my being here is nothing but best. Now, I'm doing fine. I'm better than when I was in Jakarta. I'm okay. Thanks for the days, Jakarta. I'm not missing you for now. I hope I won't.
I'm pretty much done.
It's time to live a good life. =D
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
i'll close my eyes and dream away
2 1/2 months are enough.
I'm back to Malaysia tomorrow. I thought I couldn't get thru this easily, yeah I was right. But after today, I've said things I wanted to say, I've done things I wanted to do, I get things out of my chest. A big relief. Thanks to every one of you all, it's been a great moment here, in Jakarta. Thanks to every street I've passed, every person I've talked to, every afternoon I love. I will always remember this holiday as a holiday to remember, simply because things happened, good and bad, and whichever it was, I've been through all I could get thru, and I survived.
I'm ready to leave Jakarta. See you when I see you!
OH SHIT THIS IS SO HARD. =']
I'm back to Malaysia tomorrow. I thought I couldn't get thru this easily, yeah I was right. But after today, I've said things I wanted to say, I've done things I wanted to do, I get things out of my chest. A big relief. Thanks to every one of you all, it's been a great moment here, in Jakarta. Thanks to every street I've passed, every person I've talked to, every afternoon I love. I will always remember this holiday as a holiday to remember, simply because things happened, good and bad, and whichever it was, I've been through all I could get thru, and I survived.
I'm ready to leave Jakarta. See you when I see you!
OH SHIT THIS IS SO HARD. =']
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Thursday, July 17, 2008
sampai besok pagi.
Kalah. Kalah dengan bodohnya.
Seperti sekam tua yang tiba2 disulut korek, membakar. Setelah bertahun2, hangatnya belum habis kerasa. Hangus, kalah, panasnya bersisa. Pengen cepat matikan, tapi entah bertahan sampai kapan. Semoga hanya sampai besok pagi.
Seperti sekam tua yang tiba2 disulut korek, membakar. Setelah bertahun2, hangatnya belum habis kerasa. Hangus, kalah, panasnya bersisa. Pengen cepat matikan, tapi entah bertahan sampai kapan. Semoga hanya sampai besok pagi.
a day to remember
I don't wanna waste a lifetime chasing pots of gold..
I don't wanna miss the sunshine standing in the cold..
I don't wanna be the one who's left behind..
I wanna catch a glimpse of life..
C'mon darlin', now we've started something
that we've both gotta want to see right through..
But I know darlin' that I would rather give it up
than waste these precious moments with you..
Mamas Gun - Pots of Gold
Thursday, July 10, 2008
private practice
After all this time, I still think I am way expired. For over a year now. I've been excusing myself, telling myself that the time will come. I believe it will. So God, I ask you kindly, please don't let them take that away from me.
Because I'll just let it be. We'll see.
Because I'll just let it be. We'll see.
Monday, July 07, 2008
hah
I just came across some of my highschool friends in friendster, and the real one question that popped in my head is that: how are those highschool jerks? are they still a bunch of jerks or have they grown up a little? do they still talk and shout crap all the time?
I really wanna know! =D
I really wanna know! =D
Saturday, July 05, 2008
pity you
Kenapa ya orang2 di dunia ini ga bisa berusaha baik untuk hal2 kecil ataupun hal2 besar yang sebenernya merupakan kepentingan diri sendiri?
I rarely end up asking for help. I DO ask for help, don't get me wrong here, in the event of 'could you lower your voice please', 'could you please get out this is my room', 'could you please bother someone else with that question', or simpler things such as 'mbaak di mana kaos kaki aku?'. I think I love doing things by myself and I'm really proud that I don't bother people around, especially if the problem is caused or about me.
Surprisingly, in return, I love to help. I really love to help until I think people take me for granted that I'm there to help. The feeling doesn't conclude itself in a very short period, other than that, it accumulates and it does so until I reach the point where I could not differentiate whether I'm wanted to help out or I'm being manipulated.
Really. So in the end it goes like this: If I ever need help, which is not seldom, I will ask for it in a very kind manner as I'm the one who needs it, and beforehand, I will have done everything I could to handle it by myself, and the most important thing is that I will not let myself be a burden to whoever helping me out, I will not let myself ask for more than the very HELP itself.
So if the problem is 100%, firstly I will try to tackle it as much as I could, for example 40%, and let the impossible 60% be a kindness of whoever helping me out. Not finished yet, I will only ask for that 60%, and if I could provide a limo for that person to fetch him back and forth, when money is not one of my problem here, I would. I would do everything to entertain the person, simply because I'm the one who needs help.
If you need help and nobody in this world could do you a favor beside him and you treat him like a crap, you better pity yourself because I pity you.
Oh, people nowadays. Where are your heads?
I rarely end up asking for help. I DO ask for help, don't get me wrong here, in the event of 'could you lower your voice please', 'could you please get out this is my room', 'could you please bother someone else with that question', or simpler things such as 'mbaak di mana kaos kaki aku?'. I think I love doing things by myself and I'm really proud that I don't bother people around, especially if the problem is caused or about me.
Surprisingly, in return, I love to help. I really love to help until I think people take me for granted that I'm there to help. The feeling doesn't conclude itself in a very short period, other than that, it accumulates and it does so until I reach the point where I could not differentiate whether I'm wanted to help out or I'm being manipulated.
Really. So in the end it goes like this: If I ever need help, which is not seldom, I will ask for it in a very kind manner as I'm the one who needs it, and beforehand, I will have done everything I could to handle it by myself, and the most important thing is that I will not let myself be a burden to whoever helping me out, I will not let myself ask for more than the very HELP itself.
So if the problem is 100%, firstly I will try to tackle it as much as I could, for example 40%, and let the impossible 60% be a kindness of whoever helping me out. Not finished yet, I will only ask for that 60%, and if I could provide a limo for that person to fetch him back and forth, when money is not one of my problem here, I would. I would do everything to entertain the person, simply because I'm the one who needs help.
If you need help and nobody in this world could do you a favor beside him and you treat him like a crap, you better pity yourself because I pity you.
Oh, people nowadays. Where are your heads?
kota tua
Tadi malam saya mimpi tentang kos-an. Untuk kedua kali.
Kalau beberapa malam sebelumnya saya mimpi dapat tempat kamar di sebuah rumah yang rame banget, dan waktu itu kebayang daerah Latumeten, gang sempit rumah bertingkat, gaya Indo lama; tadi malam saya mimpi dapat kamar di daerah stasiun kota, daerah Kota Tua yang tiba2 sungainya melebar dan meng-indah, saya dapat kamar yang menghadap ke sungai.
Ah. Betapa masalah kamar saya yang belum secara resmi saya sewa di malaysia bisa sampai kebawa tidur.
Have a nice weekend, people.
Kalau beberapa malam sebelumnya saya mimpi dapat tempat kamar di sebuah rumah yang rame banget, dan waktu itu kebayang daerah Latumeten, gang sempit rumah bertingkat, gaya Indo lama; tadi malam saya mimpi dapat kamar di daerah stasiun kota, daerah Kota Tua yang tiba2 sungainya melebar dan meng-indah, saya dapat kamar yang menghadap ke sungai.
Ah. Betapa masalah kamar saya yang belum secara resmi saya sewa di malaysia bisa sampai kebawa tidur.
Have a nice weekend, people.
Thursday, July 03, 2008
kembalilah..
I don't want to whine about it. I just want to make the best of it, coz we knew this day was gonna come, and we chose to live it. I'm trying my best.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
I think
I think I'm the only one left in this world who is still capable of handling emotions in a very logical and non-destructive manner. Am I the only one who is still using something useful-unless-you-don't-use-it called brain?
Maybe.
Maybe.
Friday, June 27, 2008
you really know where to start
I really love it if I could just talk anything I want to anyone I want to talk to. But sometimes, I love it even more when someone wants me to listen to whatever someone wants to share with me.
It's been forever since I got a warm hug, and this holiday, eventhough it's warm enough with all friends around me who keep making me feel blessed, I still still long for muw. When I get back there, when I eventually have to fly back to PJ, I will have to face another months of desperate longing.
I know, though, when I get back there, things will have changed.
I hope it's a good change.
It's been forever since I got a warm hug, and this holiday, eventhough it's warm enough with all friends around me who keep making me feel blessed, I still still long for muw. When I get back there, when I eventually have to fly back to PJ, I will have to face another months of desperate longing.
I know, though, when I get back there, things will have changed.
I hope it's a good change.
Sunday, June 08, 2008
memories
A lot of things have happened.
No, I was joking. It's holiday, what do you expect?
Despite the fact that I'm confused myself about whether I'm getting muscular or fatter (I really can't tell), I feel good because of the exercises that have become a sort of routine for me. Mom always complains though, like, how if this will make me addicted and I can never get enough of it, but I guess mom has known me too well that she doesn't want me to change into those headless hunks I often meet in the gym.
Oh and now I guess I've eliminated one phobia off my list. So happy to do that. It's surprising how people often fear about something they haven't faced before. I was one of those people, now I'm not. A progress.
I'm not upset anymore about NUS thingy. Surprisingly, I now start thinking of things I have to think about before flying back to PJ, like where I'm gonna live before august and stuff. Hum. As my stuff are scattered in my friends' places, I literally don't have any place to stay. Haha.
One thing that kept me alive at the moment I got the bad news was how people get back at me about the news. 'It's good to have you around', 'I can still meet you then!', oh how I am so thankful they are there in my life.
Hum.
Actually I want to write about this. You know, before I got to malaysia, there were a lot of things happened. Some stuff that once were so important, I believe it was a drama and conflict and oh-that's-so-high-school kinds of stuff. And it's obvious, whenever a case happened, it involved someone else. Someone important.
I remember that I was quite upset with this one friend. But what surprises me now is that I can't remember what I was upset about. It's been two years, but I do remember things happened in the very long past vividly so this one is kinda new. I can't recall, I can't remember the conflict. I think I barely remember, but though I'm thinking about it now in a way like why-would-I-get-mad-about-those-kind-of-stuff way. Seriously.
It's either I was very exaggerating stuff and I have become less exaggerating eversince, or simply I am not that person anymore.
Have I changed?
Let's say, it's exactly like the saying: time heals wounds. If that's the case, then I think it's a good thing I've forgot about all those negative moments so that I've moved on unconsciously and we could sort of open a new chapter of our friendship. I then apologized to the person. Not a long time ago. I suddenly felt like apologizing. I felt like I need to as.
Then I pose another question. Did I mess things up? Was it me? Or was it you? If time heals my wound, will it heal your wound too if I did make one? Are we going through the same phase of life although we are thousands of miles apart?
I hope we do.
I hope people do.
No, I was joking. It's holiday, what do you expect?
Despite the fact that I'm confused myself about whether I'm getting muscular or fatter (I really can't tell), I feel good because of the exercises that have become a sort of routine for me. Mom always complains though, like, how if this will make me addicted and I can never get enough of it, but I guess mom has known me too well that she doesn't want me to change into those headless hunks I often meet in the gym.
Oh and now I guess I've eliminated one phobia off my list. So happy to do that. It's surprising how people often fear about something they haven't faced before. I was one of those people, now I'm not. A progress.
I'm not upset anymore about NUS thingy. Surprisingly, I now start thinking of things I have to think about before flying back to PJ, like where I'm gonna live before august and stuff. Hum. As my stuff are scattered in my friends' places, I literally don't have any place to stay. Haha.
One thing that kept me alive at the moment I got the bad news was how people get back at me about the news. 'It's good to have you around', 'I can still meet you then!', oh how I am so thankful they are there in my life.
Hum.
Actually I want to write about this. You know, before I got to malaysia, there were a lot of things happened. Some stuff that once were so important, I believe it was a drama and conflict and oh-that's-so-high-school kinds of stuff. And it's obvious, whenever a case happened, it involved someone else. Someone important.
I remember that I was quite upset with this one friend. But what surprises me now is that I can't remember what I was upset about. It's been two years, but I do remember things happened in the very long past vividly so this one is kinda new. I can't recall, I can't remember the conflict. I think I barely remember, but though I'm thinking about it now in a way like why-would-I-get-mad-about-those-kind-of-stuff way. Seriously.
It's either I was very exaggerating stuff and I have become less exaggerating eversince, or simply I am not that person anymore.
Have I changed?
Let's say, it's exactly like the saying: time heals wounds. If that's the case, then I think it's a good thing I've forgot about all those negative moments so that I've moved on unconsciously and we could sort of open a new chapter of our friendship. I then apologized to the person. Not a long time ago. I suddenly felt like apologizing. I felt like I need to as.
Then I pose another question. Did I mess things up? Was it me? Or was it you? If time heals my wound, will it heal your wound too if I did make one? Are we going through the same phase of life although we are thousands of miles apart?
I hope we do.
I hope people do.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Sunday, May 25, 2008
little light entertainment
I don't make it into NUS.
That's an update.
I don't get into NUS because I'm not that smart. And I may not be able to go to University of Melbourne because I'm not that rich. I have to face it.
I'm looking for a university that appreciate the fact that people can't be all THAT smart and THAT rich.
Those people should really feel lucky because they have at least one of those. Rich or fucking smart.
Sometimes I don't get it. I want to go sulking all day because of this but I know I should have seen this coming, so I will just shut up and write one post. And I really have to let this go.
I was really hoping that I could get in, you know. A little part of me kept on saying this time I could make it. What was I thinking?
See, I still couldn't let go.
I need a slap on my face.
I have to let go.
That's an update.
I don't get into NUS because I'm not that smart. And I may not be able to go to University of Melbourne because I'm not that rich. I have to face it.
I'm looking for a university that appreciate the fact that people can't be all THAT smart and THAT rich.
Those people should really feel lucky because they have at least one of those. Rich or fucking smart.
Sometimes I don't get it. I want to go sulking all day because of this but I know I should have seen this coming, so I will just shut up and write one post. And I really have to let this go.
I was really hoping that I could get in, you know. A little part of me kept on saying this time I could make it. What was I thinking?
See, I still couldn't let go.
I need a slap on my face.
I have to let go.
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
i'll be home tonight
I'm going home today..
I believe I've missed each and every face..
get there and play my music..
Turn on every love light in the place..
It's time I found myself..
Totally surrounded in the circles..
Oh oh, my friends..
Please, celebrate me home..
I believe I've missed each and every face..
get there and play my music..
Turn on every love light in the place..
It's time I found myself..
Totally surrounded in the circles..
Oh oh, my friends..
Please, celebrate me home..
Friday, May 02, 2008
my friend's friend's twin
I just got back from KLCC, celebrating the end of exam with Jessica and Liz. It was real fun for me. Real fun. I can't remember the last time I get to talk and talk and walk and walk and just inhale the air of a shopping center. I love the smell. That's weird.
Anyway, the funny thing happened afterwards.
In the platform where I was waiting for the train, I saw a familiar glimpse of someone. He was familiar. He was waiting for the same train. He was kinda looking at me. After a while I realized that he is my friend's friend who often bumps into me when I'm having dinner or something. He is Maria's friend. Though, I'm not close with Maria, we just happen to greet each other every time we meet, never engage in a conversation. I don't even know his name. And I then thought about it over: is it really the guy? Even if this is the guy, I can't greet him. It takes a name to greet him, and I don't know his name. I also never greet him before, I only greet Maria. But now if I know he's Maria's friend, I bet he knows I'm the guy that often greets Maria, and that will be totally awkward and wrong and bad if I don't greet him. And plus I wasn't so sure.
Fast forward to the moment when I reached my stop, so I got down from the train. He did the same thing, he got down at the same stop. I got my guts. I shouldn't be that cruel.
I greeted: Hey you're just alone? Not with Maria?
It sounds so improper, but I said it in Indonesian coz I was sure he's Indonesian, so he must understand what I'm saying.
He replied: Oh, you're mistaken! I'm not him, I'm his twin..
Gosh.
Hahahahahahahaha.
So they are twins! I'm like acting so cool, he looks at me as if I know his twin well, but in fact, I even never greets his twin! I never know his twin's name! I thought it would be cruel to not greet someone we know that we meet on the train.
I thought the conversation ended already. But I was wrong.
It turns out that he carried on talking about things, asking me things such as where I went just now for what, which term I am in. I'm not a hospitality student, I'm an architecture student, I said. How do you know him then? He was then curious. I saw him several times with my friend, Maria, I said. Oh.
We kept on talking until we had to go our way, he was going to his condo, I was going to mine.
I was quite stunned.
Is this what I've missed all this time? This is new. He is a stranger, someone I thought I knew. I was mistaken about who he is. But we managed to engage in a conversation! I feel bad. I really feel bad. If I were him, I would just walk away, probably. My head would be filled with tons of prejudice and invisible gap, I would feel insecure. But he did not. He talked to me like I'm really his friend, like I was not mistaken, like I correctly recognized him.
Geez.
I really need to learn this.
And up to this time, I still don't even know his name. His name will be 'someone I met on the train, someone I thought I knew but later I realized that I was wrong, someone that is the twin of someone I knew, someone whose name I never know, was wrong about, and will never know'.
Quite a long name.
Anyway, the funny thing happened afterwards.
In the platform where I was waiting for the train, I saw a familiar glimpse of someone. He was familiar. He was waiting for the same train. He was kinda looking at me. After a while I realized that he is my friend's friend who often bumps into me when I'm having dinner or something. He is Maria's friend. Though, I'm not close with Maria, we just happen to greet each other every time we meet, never engage in a conversation. I don't even know his name. And I then thought about it over: is it really the guy? Even if this is the guy, I can't greet him. It takes a name to greet him, and I don't know his name. I also never greet him before, I only greet Maria. But now if I know he's Maria's friend, I bet he knows I'm the guy that often greets Maria, and that will be totally awkward and wrong and bad if I don't greet him. And plus I wasn't so sure.
Fast forward to the moment when I reached my stop, so I got down from the train. He did the same thing, he got down at the same stop. I got my guts. I shouldn't be that cruel.
I greeted: Hey you're just alone? Not with Maria?
It sounds so improper, but I said it in Indonesian coz I was sure he's Indonesian, so he must understand what I'm saying.
He replied: Oh, you're mistaken! I'm not him, I'm his twin..
Gosh.
Hahahahahahahaha.
So they are twins! I'm like acting so cool, he looks at me as if I know his twin well, but in fact, I even never greets his twin! I never know his twin's name! I thought it would be cruel to not greet someone we know that we meet on the train.
I thought the conversation ended already. But I was wrong.
It turns out that he carried on talking about things, asking me things such as where I went just now for what, which term I am in. I'm not a hospitality student, I'm an architecture student, I said. How do you know him then? He was then curious. I saw him several times with my friend, Maria, I said. Oh.
We kept on talking until we had to go our way, he was going to his condo, I was going to mine.
I was quite stunned.
Is this what I've missed all this time? This is new. He is a stranger, someone I thought I knew. I was mistaken about who he is. But we managed to engage in a conversation! I feel bad. I really feel bad. If I were him, I would just walk away, probably. My head would be filled with tons of prejudice and invisible gap, I would feel insecure. But he did not. He talked to me like I'm really his friend, like I was not mistaken, like I correctly recognized him.
Geez.
I really need to learn this.
And up to this time, I still don't even know his name. His name will be 'someone I met on the train, someone I thought I knew but later I realized that I was wrong, someone that is the twin of someone I knew, someone whose name I never know, was wrong about, and will never know'.
Quite a long name.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
When archuleta tells me..
They don't always happen when you ask..
And its easy to give in to your fears..
But when you're blinded by your pain..
Cant see the way, get through the rain..
A small but still, resilient voice,
Says hope is very near..
..I do believe.
And its easy to give in to your fears..
But when you're blinded by your pain..
Cant see the way, get through the rain..
A small but still, resilient voice,
Says hope is very near..
..I do believe.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
am moving in, on, and out
I start packing things up, bits by bits. My books, piles of paper, tools, magazines, and other stuff I've been buying since last year. It's kinda sad. I don't know why. I know that I'll be moving out, I'll have to, and I know whichever place I'm gonna move in to later, it will be better than this one.
But somehow, you miss things even if it does harm to you. There were super emotional days, super happy days, and it all happened in this room. This room was what I missed when I got back home the other day. I rest my head in this room, and it's been nearly a year.
People come and go. I come and go.
6 months ago, my old roomie stayed with me. He was nice. He moved out, and my new roomie moved in. This one is tough. I can go thru a list, but I kinda let it all go now. Nevertheless, he helped me when I got sick. It's one of the very few reasons I still want to cope with him.
So, soon, as I booked my ticket last night: I'm gonna fly home on 7th May, I'm gonna leave this room empty, move my stuff to several places, put it for a while in Linda's place, maybe also in Mr. Woon's place, my lecturer, so I don't need to rent another room anytime soon, at least not until I got words from NUS, whether I'm in or not.
I'm gonna rent a single room.
I've been packing for several days, just several few things first. Tidying things up, starting to think about the way I'm gonna move several big things like rice cooker, electric kettle, and my lovely Maxim frying pan. Starting to think of what I'm gonna buy for my family in Jakarta. Starting to think of going to a lot of places no matter what on earth happens before I'm back to Jakarta.
Thinking what could come in days from now.
Anything could happen.
Gawd. I'm gonna miss this room so much.
But somehow, you miss things even if it does harm to you. There were super emotional days, super happy days, and it all happened in this room. This room was what I missed when I got back home the other day. I rest my head in this room, and it's been nearly a year.
People come and go. I come and go.
6 months ago, my old roomie stayed with me. He was nice. He moved out, and my new roomie moved in. This one is tough. I can go thru a list, but I kinda let it all go now. Nevertheless, he helped me when I got sick. It's one of the very few reasons I still want to cope with him.
So, soon, as I booked my ticket last night: I'm gonna fly home on 7th May, I'm gonna leave this room empty, move my stuff to several places, put it for a while in Linda's place, maybe also in Mr. Woon's place, my lecturer, so I don't need to rent another room anytime soon, at least not until I got words from NUS, whether I'm in or not.
I'm gonna rent a single room.
I've been packing for several days, just several few things first. Tidying things up, starting to think about the way I'm gonna move several big things like rice cooker, electric kettle, and my lovely Maxim frying pan. Starting to think of what I'm gonna buy for my family in Jakarta. Starting to think of going to a lot of places no matter what on earth happens before I'm back to Jakarta.
Thinking what could come in days from now.
Anything could happen.
Gawd. I'm gonna miss this room so much.
Friday, April 04, 2008
jakarta
Have you ever had this feeling that you were so sure about what you did, with all the consequences, careful thinking and deep self-reflecting, and now, you start regretting it, pieces by pieces. Regretting things you did. Wishing you did a slightly different way of doing something, which now you believe will make a great difference.
That you have a completely different way of thinking about that, now.
That you hope, really hope that you don't need to pay that off. That you hope nothing is damaged. Nothing is broken. Things should have changed, but at that particular moment, you wish it didn't. You don't want to pay it off.
Then. You come to think that you couldn't have been wrong. You did the calculations. Was it only temporary explosion of emotion? Or was it really logically thought of? You now insist that you did the right thing, that you couldn't miss it.
But deep. Deep in your heart. You still hope you didn't change a thing.
Am I just that lonely to come up with this thought? Or is it just right to question? Shit. I hate scrolling down thru sms list in my inbox. I hate it because it reminds me of something you did wrong, something that happened a very very long time ago but has a very good corelation with what just happened, something about all those blue days, all those sms-es that occupy some parts of your brain and have been in sleeping state all these times, something about everything you did, everything that happened.
800 sms-es are a lot of days. Months. A lot of events. A lot of ppl. A lot of places. A lot of afternoons. A lot of chances. A lot of emotions. A lot of thinking as if it were just yesterday. Now I don't have any idea what to do with those sms-es. Do I need to delete it? Do I have to read it? Do I have to.. look back and think?
It all happened in Jakarta.
I miss it, there. I can't say much. I just, miss it. All those afternoons. All those blue days. All those dramas. All those moments happened last time. All that I miss.
I hope I can be back, soon.
That you have a completely different way of thinking about that, now.
That you hope, really hope that you don't need to pay that off. That you hope nothing is damaged. Nothing is broken. Things should have changed, but at that particular moment, you wish it didn't. You don't want to pay it off.
Then. You come to think that you couldn't have been wrong. You did the calculations. Was it only temporary explosion of emotion? Or was it really logically thought of? You now insist that you did the right thing, that you couldn't miss it.
But deep. Deep in your heart. You still hope you didn't change a thing.
Am I just that lonely to come up with this thought? Or is it just right to question? Shit. I hate scrolling down thru sms list in my inbox. I hate it because it reminds me of something you did wrong, something that happened a very very long time ago but has a very good corelation with what just happened, something about all those blue days, all those sms-es that occupy some parts of your brain and have been in sleeping state all these times, something about everything you did, everything that happened.
800 sms-es are a lot of days. Months. A lot of events. A lot of ppl. A lot of places. A lot of afternoons. A lot of chances. A lot of emotions. A lot of thinking as if it were just yesterday. Now I don't have any idea what to do with those sms-es. Do I need to delete it? Do I have to read it? Do I have to.. look back and think?
It all happened in Jakarta.
I miss it, there. I can't say much. I just, miss it. All those afternoons. All those blue days. All those dramas. All those moments happened last time. All that I miss.
I hope I can be back, soon.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
bifurkasi
Sometimes, after all you've done, a great effort of thinking and trying to change something you think is wrong, after a very long while of insisting to do something about it and trying every way you can to do it:
..you just let go.
I let go.
..you just let go.
I let go.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
f off
I don't give a damn. I give shit to you. And that's kinda weird, becoz you're a shithead already, so that makes it redundant. I don't care.
You're so shitty, shithead.
You're so shitty, shithead.
Friday, March 21, 2008
rain
It's been raining for days. All the afternoons.
I've been emotional for days. Only one thing that could stop me.
Rain.
Don't stop. Please.
I need you to stop me from becoming a person they make me want to be.
Monday, March 17, 2008
singapore
It takes a very big thing to make me feel belong. And these guys, sure made me feel belong. I wanted to stay. I can't believe how big the feeling is, praying to god so I can stay. I can see them in August without having to leave.
Thx Kev, Pras, Howard. It was a blast.
NUS. Library. McD. Afternoon walk. Bus. Apartment. Lounge. Little talk. Another bus ride. Moderate heart-warming talk. Laugh. Smile. Grateful. Fullerton. Chocolate. Big-crappy-but-sure-make-me-happy talk. Laugh. Big laugh. Big gratitude. Long walk from Fullerton to City Hall. A kind of walk I've always wanted to go for. Clarke Quay. A question. Orchard. Lift. Door. Another day. City Hall. Coffeebean. Cathedral. Palm. A long walk from Dhoby Ghaut to Orchard. Paragon. Soup. Laughs. Short-stories. A little run. A little goodbye.
A little hope.
=']
Sunday, February 24, 2008
a word or two
..Supernova, saya benar-benar tidak menyangka.
Bagaimana mungkin sesuatu yang tadinya berusaha saya pertahankan mati-matian justru kembali ketika saya lepaskan?
- Arwin to Supernova, Supernova: Ksatria, Puteri, dan Bintang Jatuh. Dee, 2001.
Buat Erika di Jakarta sana.
Semangat, te!
Bagaimana mungkin sesuatu yang tadinya berusaha saya pertahankan mati-matian justru kembali ketika saya lepaskan?
- Arwin to Supernova, Supernova: Ksatria, Puteri, dan Bintang Jatuh. Dee, 2001.
Buat Erika di Jakarta sana.
Semangat, te!
after all these years
One of my friends back in junior high school suddenly popped up in my apartment yesterday, staying for 2 days in my housemate's room. Funny how I feel, I think nevertheless, playing back my memory of me and him, we weren't close: even he was in my enemy's group; I feel happy just to see him after all these years.
Time flies. He's changed, I can tell. He was nothing like he was, he is now better. Way better. I can tell from what he says, I can tell from the gestures. Grown up.
I'm so happy to see him again after all these years.
Really happy.
Time flies. He's changed, I can tell. He was nothing like he was, he is now better. Way better. I can tell from what he says, I can tell from the gestures. Grown up.
I'm so happy to see him again after all these years.
Really happy.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Mr. Curiosity
Hey Mr. Curiosity,
Is it true what they've been saying about you,
Are you killing me?
Hi people. I'm alright. =] College's been very good. Friends have been very good. I miss my family though. Huf. But here is alright, just alright.
I just gave the SABD society my design work, so I hope I have what it takes to handle either the blog or the print design. I can't say which one I want. I want both. Hahahaha.
Anyway.
This is what I've been making all week, it cost me numb palm and fingers. Sighs. But it's worth the work. We succeed.
And this is what I took from the plane.
Actually, I still want to share something. But I haven't taken picture of it yet, so, later. =]
Have a nice day, people.
Is it true what they've been saying about you,
Are you killing me?
Hi people. I'm alright. =] College's been very good. Friends have been very good. I miss my family though. Huf. But here is alright, just alright.
I just gave the SABD society my design work, so I hope I have what it takes to handle either the blog or the print design. I can't say which one I want. I want both. Hahahaha.
Anyway.
This is what I've been making all week, it cost me numb palm and fingers. Sighs. But it's worth the work. We succeed.
And this is what I took from the plane.
Actually, I still want to share something. But I haven't taken picture of it yet, so, later. =]
Have a nice day, people.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
Happy Birthday, Mel!
Rasanya lega. Dulu saya pernah bilang, kadang obat yang paling manjur kalo lagi bete atau limbung itu adalah sapaan ke atau dari teman2 yang deket di hati. Ga salah. Barusan aja, saya ngerasain itu.
Lagi scroll down di phonebook handphone, tiba2 ada nama Melz. Seseorang yang walaupun jarang ketemu tapi emang udah deket dari dulu. Sahabatan dari SMP. Masih suka ketemu. Tapi jarang kontak. Saya telpon dia.
Mel, mau nonton ga besok? Itu doang yang tadinya mau saya tanya. Ngobrol, ketawa2, tiba2 dia bilang saya jahat. Jahaaat. Katanya. Saya bingung? Apa salah saya? Saya mikir. Mikir sambil ketawa. Tiba2 saya inget.
Hari ini dia ulang tahun.
=]
Salah satu kelemahan saya adalah ingatan akan hari ulang tahun teman2 terdekat. Tapi entah bagaimana, saya sendiri dalam hati pengen banget inget, jadi dari bawah alam sadar, nama2 sahabat saya serasa muncul ke permukaan. Mengingatkan saya bahwa entah dengan alasan apapun, ada sesuatu yang penting yang terjadi dengan mereka, seperti ulangtahun.
Tiba2 inget percobaan Faraday. Dua orang yang terpisah tanpa ada ikatan materi apapun, bahkan udara, masih tersambung benang tak tampak yang menghubungkan satu dengan yang lain. Iya, ini buktinya.
Bahkan Felix yang saya telpon setelah Mel, juga ngaku bahwa dia tanpa sengaja melihat yearbook SMP dan tanpa sengaja melihat tanggal lahir Mel ini. Kebetulan? Tapi kenapa saya juga bisa kebetulan? Hahaha. Rasanya memang ada benang tak tampak dia antara kita bertiga.
I miss you, guys.
Selamat Ulang Tahun, Mel!
Wish you all the best. =]
Sukses examnya besok!
Lagi scroll down di phonebook handphone, tiba2 ada nama Melz. Seseorang yang walaupun jarang ketemu tapi emang udah deket dari dulu. Sahabatan dari SMP. Masih suka ketemu. Tapi jarang kontak. Saya telpon dia.
Mel, mau nonton ga besok? Itu doang yang tadinya mau saya tanya. Ngobrol, ketawa2, tiba2 dia bilang saya jahat. Jahaaat. Katanya. Saya bingung? Apa salah saya? Saya mikir. Mikir sambil ketawa. Tiba2 saya inget.
Hari ini dia ulang tahun.
=]
Salah satu kelemahan saya adalah ingatan akan hari ulang tahun teman2 terdekat. Tapi entah bagaimana, saya sendiri dalam hati pengen banget inget, jadi dari bawah alam sadar, nama2 sahabat saya serasa muncul ke permukaan. Mengingatkan saya bahwa entah dengan alasan apapun, ada sesuatu yang penting yang terjadi dengan mereka, seperti ulangtahun.
Tiba2 inget percobaan Faraday. Dua orang yang terpisah tanpa ada ikatan materi apapun, bahkan udara, masih tersambung benang tak tampak yang menghubungkan satu dengan yang lain. Iya, ini buktinya.
Bahkan Felix yang saya telpon setelah Mel, juga ngaku bahwa dia tanpa sengaja melihat yearbook SMP dan tanpa sengaja melihat tanggal lahir Mel ini. Kebetulan? Tapi kenapa saya juga bisa kebetulan? Hahaha. Rasanya memang ada benang tak tampak dia antara kita bertiga.
I miss you, guys.
Selamat Ulang Tahun, Mel!
Wish you all the best. =]
Sukses examnya besok!
Monday, February 04, 2008
sepanjang jalan
Baru aja ngelewatin satu hari penuh di tengah kota, Jakarta, dari Beos alias Stasiun Kota, Gajah Mada, MH Thamrin, sampai Sudirman. Cape dan bahagia. Tapi aneh. Kadang saya ga bahagia kalo ga tau apa orang2 bahagia atau engga. Dan keadaan 'ga tahu' itu terlalu luas karna hubungannya adalah ke 'ga bisa tahu' bukan 'ga mau tahu'.
Di detik ini, saya lebih ingin orang lain bahagia dan saya tahu mereka bahagia, daripada saya bahagia tapi ga tau orang lain bahagia atau engga.
Kadang kita hanya ga tau kita lagi ngerasa apa.
Iya, kayak gitu.
Di detik ini, saya lebih ingin orang lain bahagia dan saya tahu mereka bahagia, daripada saya bahagia tapi ga tau orang lain bahagia atau engga.
Kadang kita hanya ga tau kita lagi ngerasa apa.
Iya, kayak gitu.
Saturday, February 02, 2008
growing up
I'm 19, and I'm settling down.
There is not much to say, for maybe I'm still learning, but growing up is the road that leads me here now. Back in tracing some of the old posts in my blog, like the old 4 years ago, I've found that I was a kid. Snobbish kid, super snobbish. But looking back at some of the posts from 2 years ago until now, I've been able to be better, I'm not a kid anymore.
Still got tons of things to learn. As an adult.
Anyway. I'll be going back again to hometown for this chinese new year holiday. Such a blessing. Thanks to AirAsia and my college just for making it happen. I miss my family so much. But here, in PJ, Selangor, Malaysia, I've also found home. So, I'm so much grateful. It's surprising how I learn that town people, town kids, grow up faster than those who come from small town.
How? We deal with schedule, we deal with competitions, we deal with everything that is no slowing down, we deal with diversity appreciation, and the most important thing is that we deal with ourselves back since we were kids. We found ourselves. I'm not generalizing this, but those who come from a small town can't figure out how to stand in a competition. Can't endure those tense responsibility. Can't rush for anything.
I'm lucky I grew up in a big city. Like I've got headache because of the tight schedules and routinity when i was 11. It's kinda sad, but it makes me what I am now. I start doing what I have to do before I can do what I want to do when I was 13. I lost my weekends when I was in my highschool. I have none of them. I survived.
And the most important part is, other than being so individualistic, we deal with diversity since kids, and we learn to appreciate diversity.
Well, this applies to me, I don't know if other townboy agrees with me.
Happy Chinese New Year!
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Happy Birthday! =]
I remember last year. Can't forget. Suddenly I remember the alley. I remember those days. I remember being young and foolish and free to act stupid. I remember pondering at the sky by the window, ah the rain is falling so beautifully, always like that.
I wanna cry. I want to fly out to my memories and invite some friends and muw to come along so we can repeat what we miss and create new memories altogether.
Have a good night.
I remember last year. Can't forget. Suddenly I remember the alley. I remember those days. I remember being young and foolish and free to act stupid. I remember pondering at the sky by the window, ah the rain is falling so beautifully, always like that.
I wanna cry. I want to fly out to my memories and invite some friends and muw to come along so we can repeat what we miss and create new memories altogether.
Have a good night.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
This apartment. Makes me miss home. Miss my friends. Semalam ngobrol ma pras, I said, here, I could barely speak or chat bout something I want to. I mean, sometimes we just come up with something silly or something shallow or even something deep to talk about, but I hardly speak those kind of things. I don't know if I can.
Humm. Maybe you don't get what I'm talking about. You, if you're in my friends list in messenger, you may find I suddenly ask you something, whatever it is. It is what I can't talk to my friends, even to my rommie sitting next to me right now.
So, yah, that's why I said, I like it better in Singapore, coz I've got a circle of friends that is different than what I have now.
Is this something that I can change?
Have a nice day, folks.
Humm. Maybe you don't get what I'm talking about. You, if you're in my friends list in messenger, you may find I suddenly ask you something, whatever it is. It is what I can't talk to my friends, even to my rommie sitting next to me right now.
So, yah, that's why I said, I like it better in Singapore, coz I've got a circle of friends that is different than what I have now.
Is this something that I can change?
Have a nice day, folks.
Friday, January 04, 2008
=']
Thanks for everything, muw.
For this short, I know, a very short time God gave us to meet each other, but indeed, yes, I'm thankful for that, for every moment we had..
..it is indeed a beautiful holiday with you.
So, I'm just gonna wait for you, and until then, we will have each other, like we always do, and we're gonna meet again, share the afternoon, laugh at the world, and just be thankful for everything God gave to us.
I'm gonna miss you.
=']
..out of everything you, me..
we then count to three,
and dance eternally..
For this short, I know, a very short time God gave us to meet each other, but indeed, yes, I'm thankful for that, for every moment we had..
..it is indeed a beautiful holiday with you.
So, I'm just gonna wait for you, and until then, we will have each other, like we always do, and we're gonna meet again, share the afternoon, laugh at the world, and just be thankful for everything God gave to us.
I'm gonna miss you.
=']
..out of everything you, me..
we then count to three,
and dance eternally..
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